How to end a two week argument?

[Bettyok]

My husband and I have been having problems since the birth of our LO almost 2 years ago. At the moment we have been locked in an argument for almost two weeks now, started on Christmas Day with him making a stupid comment and me being furious he’d “ruined Christmas”. The problem is he refuses to talk and just hash it out so we keep having these little fights that turn into big fights that turn into him saying “I’m not doing this now” and refusing to engage. How do I end this cycle of being mad at each other?! It just seems like we can’t get past it at the moment. So frustrating that he won’t engage in a conversation.

I think how you proceed depends whether his comment was really so shocking that it actually ruined Christmas.

Without knowing that, advice all the way from 'ltb' to 'apologise and suggest you draw a line under it' is equally valid.

@Kanaloa

And the question that was asked was how to end the argument. I and a few others have said constant ‘let’s hash it out’ won’t end it, so letting it go is pretty much the only way to end it.

So I did give my advice on the actual issue. You have your opinion on other people’s posts and I didn’t see you giving op some magic key to solving the argument.

That's because you didn't RTFT.

Often times someone has to make the first step with kindness

It’s impossible to advise without knowing what the comment was.

OP you need to give more details about what the comment was, and exactly how you thought it had ruined Xmas before anyone could possibly offer any specific advice.

As a generality, there are different styles of communication and styles of 'resolving' any 'issues', and you could just have differing styles, but since you say the problems only began after having your child, I think that it's more likely a difference in parenting styles or resentment about the volume of 'parenting' responsibilities and housework etc that may be the root cause of the arguments/resentment/anger etc

@TheFoundation

I did read the full thread. I still disagree with you.

I’m sorry that you’re more anxious and like to ‘hash things out’ but for me it’s keeping an argument going. So my advice to the op was to let it go.

What you’re doing right now on this thread (picking apart someone’s every post and going on and on) is exactly what I imagine the op is doing. It just keeps things going and reignites bad feelings rather than apologising and moving on.

And obviously if op doesn’t want to share the specifics of what happened only vague advice can be offered. I can hardly peer into my crystal ball to determine whether she or her husband was correct and how sensitive the issue is.

If you overreacted apologise. Leave it at that.

You cannot control his actions only your own

You say you've been having problems for 2 years and maybe you saying such a hurtful thing on Christmas Day was the last straw for him.
Sounds to me like he's checked out and working out what to do.

[quote Kanaloa]@TheFoundation

I did read the full thread. I still disagree with you.

I’m sorry that you’re more anxious and like to ‘hash things out’ but for me it’s keeping an argument going. So my advice to the op was to let it go.

What you’re doing right now on this thread (picking apart someone’s every post and going on and on) is exactly what I imagine the op is doing. It just keeps things going and reignites bad feelings rather than apologising and moving on.[/quote]
Pot/kettle.

Moving on...