Is this all my fault?

[202woohoo]

Name changed but people might guess who this is from previous threads.

My DH and I have been together 10 years. We have a 5 year old and I had a baby a few months ago.
We have always had arguments and in hindsight I shouldn't have had the second child.

I had hyperemesis and at points didn't know if I could keep the pregnancy and ended up in hospital. He said I was making myself worse as I was wanting it as an excuse to be lazy and it was a pain to visit me in hospital. He went on holiday twice while I was pregnant.

My sister died suddenly last year and I'm still grieving, my mum is being tested for bowel cancer.

I've lost my job.

I got severe PND where I was almost admitted to a mother and baby unit. He was good over that period but as soon as I started to improve he started to threaten to leave again all the time.

His family live abroad and came to stay with us. He booked for them to go to the darts in London and I begged him not to go as I was worried about the COVID risk. His Dad caught it, I took the kids to my mums and I had text DH saying they were selfish even coming over as things are. They launched at me and shouted saying I'm selfish I probably infected them from shopping they hate me etc. So I'm currently kicked out of my own house and staying at my mums until they get the PCR result (it was a faint positive LFT)

He counted the amount of times we had sex last year and constantly mentions it. Im currently not on any contraception as the coil made me bleed heavily and he sulks when I don't want to have sex.

Im not perfect I know. I know I'm selfish myself and was a nightmare during my pregnancy, I have messaged an ex on Facebook (never anything out of line) and he's paranoid I've got a load of men waiting for me.

Im 32 with 2 kids a newborn, no job, no home as such.. who would want me. It's pathetic. I've made such a mess of my life.

Did you post about this last night?

Jesus. Your h sounds awful.

It sounds as if you should separate. He sounds abusive, unsympathetic and unreasonable.

This is your 3rd or 4th thread, all the same.

You're in a horrible situation. It's not your fault; you're being treated badly.

But is is your responsibility to get out of the situation. You're the only one who can, and when you do, you won't be saying 'I've made such a mess of my life', you'll be saying 'I was in a mess, and I sorted it.'

What have you done other than posting on here to start the process of leaving? Have you looked into what benefits you could get? This will help you benefits-calculator-2.turn2us.org.uk/

Have you spoken to/contacted Women's Aid? www.womensaid.org.uk/

Have you spoken to your local council about finding alternative accommodation, and what options you might have?

It's time to start doing things, rather than sitting feeling shit about things and complaining. Take some steps, just small ones.

You're the only one who can fix this, for you and your kids, and it's not about him changing his behaviour, it's about you getting away from his behaviour.

It doesn't matter who would want you. I'm going to be cruel to be kind here but you're thinking about yourself in terms of your appeal to a man and thinking it's better to stay with this piece of shit than not have a man.
Plenty of men would want to date you but that's irrelevant. You need to leave this man for your own sake and your children.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

It doesn't matter who would want you. I'm going to be cruel to be kind here but you're thinking about yourself in terms of your appeal to a man and thinking it's better to stay with this piece of shit than not have a man. Plenty of men would want to date you but that's irrelevant. You need to leave this man for your own sake and your children.

The ironic thing here is that the husband thinks OP has 'men waiting for her', so he obviously ranks her highly in this area. It is irrelevant to the overall situation, but if it's dragging OP down, it would help to get rid of that drag.

Why on earth would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't make you feel loved and cherished?
You are totally normal, he is a sex pest