Please help!

[weddinglovepure]

Hey there!

From past few weeks, I am in a space where I carry resentment, hatred and envy towards an ex.

It has been 12 months now, since our break up.

I keep thinking about him everyday.
I try a lot to get rid of his thoughts, I have come to a point, where I give up trying.

I imagine him with another woman, I think of things he said.

I know, I am living in the past.

But it's not just the thoughts!

The feeling, the emotions attached with it.

I feel rejected. I feel disgusted. Like I am not enough.
He can get any woman so easily, I am so easily replaceable.

Here I am, rejected by him, then been on few dates, after the break up because I thought I was healed, got rejected by those dates too.

This has changed me as a person, a lot! a lot!

The reason he left was because, he doesn't see me as a woman of his life, as his wife.

I can't live this way everyday.
While that guy, is moved on, happy without me.
Here I am, still thinking about him.

Please help! This is eating me.
This has become worse from last few days.

Thank you!

Aww love, you have to be kinder to yourself.

It sounds like he left because it just wasn't the right relationship for him. It's not a you issue. Sometimes things just don't work out.

And those dates you had that didn't work out...I'm guessing they sensed that you weren't ready to date yet. Because you don't love you.

I know its cheesy but until you love yourself again, how do you expect other people to? Low self esteem is not attractive to anyone...apart from psychopaths.

You need to find a way to heal.
If you haven't already, then please delete your ex from all social media.

Can you afford to take a holiday? A bit of sun always helps us feel better. You could also consider getting a councilor to talk things through with.

But stop looking to men to heal your hurt. You have to find a way to regain your confidence. That's a far bigger issue than some ex or struggling with dating again.

OP - my best suggestion is to get counselling.
It’s space for you, to think about you and talk about whatever you need to.
I hope you you stop feeling this way

You need to find a therapist or counsellor you have a good connection with and talk and talk this stuff through.
It's the only way (together with time) IMHO

It seems like you only value yourself as a "wife". That's a lot of pressure on a partner.

You ex is gone, you need to move forward with that fact.

Why does he get to be the judge of you? This is the crux of the problem: it's self invalidation. The ultimate self-disrespect. That's what's eating you, the low self respect. He's just someone who rejected you, proved your self view to be accurate, and so you've latched on to him as the source of the problem. But he's not. He's just a symptom.

So, stop focussing on him. It's hard to stop doing something unless you fill the gap it leaves, though, so re-focus on self respect. What do you do that makes you respect yourself? If you struggle to think of a few things, then that's the actual gap you need to fill; the gap that looks ex-shaped, currently. All he's doing is justifying in your mind that there should be a gap, but actually, you can fill it up with stuff that makes you feel good.

This isn't about him, or his opinion of you. This is about your opinion of you.

Good advice above, OP. On a practical note: how completely are you able to block out all further info about him, via social media, shared friendships etc? Because that can cause serious setbacks in your recovery if you're exposed to any info about new girlfriend etc. And resist any temptation to check up on social media. Only harm can come of it.

“got rejected by those dates too.”
That jumped out at me, did you discuss your ex with your new dates, complaining about a previous partner is an absolute killer

At some stage you say why it went wrong but not at the start, a friend of mine was always grumbling about her ex and could not find a regular date.