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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

3year olds behaviour and marriage breakdown

5 replies

Sainsburystime · 04/01/2022 21:13

Really struggling with my 3 year olds behaviour. Nothing is ever right. Wrong shoes, wrong cup, wrong bowl, no to bed, no to toilet, no to breakfast.

My DH and I separated during the summer although still under the same roof, awaiting house sale. We get on mostly, but I'm struggling with his inconsistent parenting approaches. He gives her more attention when she misbehaves and the eldest child (really laid back and as good as gold) misses out on attention.

He's always interferring, always loitering in a doorway when I'm dealing with her, causing her to then become delirious and cry for him because he gives in.

Also, I don't know how to deal with these constant meltdowns. I've tried walking away and only giving attention to good behaviour, but tonight she went in to my son who was unwell and sleeping and woke him crying in one of her rages. I was furious and shouted at her so loudly that I scared her. Then, of course, hero Daddy appears in the doorway, ready to give in to her every whim.

But she is also doing the same with him, pushes and pushes him until he tells her off and then she wants me. This morning, she tantrummed all morning undressing herself as I was dressing her for nursery and made me late for work.

I don't now what to do about
A) her behaviour
B) DHs unhelpful sabotage and interfering

This evening, I was doing bedtime, all was going smoothly until he shouted upstairs "you've left your teddy bear book at nursery so you'll have to have a different story tonight." Cue: meltdowns.

He could have said nothing and let me select a different story. He's either tactless or purposely sabotaging my time with her. He should have been reading with our eldest, but as always, found a reason to be there, interfering with our youngest.

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 04/01/2022 21:27

Is there absolutely no way you could move out at the moment? No parent you could stay with? It sounds like she's aware of the tension between you both and it's making her worse.

Sainsburystime · 04/01/2022 21:36

There's no chance unfortunately.

OP posts:
Toohardtofindaproperusername · 04/01/2022 21:41

get the house sold

billy1966 · 04/01/2022 23:45

He's deliberately sabotaging you and doesn't care if he upsets your children and distresses them.

I call that emotional abuse.

Keep a note of what he is doing.

What an awful man.
Flowers

lonelySam · 04/01/2022 23:54

What did you want him to do / how to react when you shouted at your daughter and scared her?
Book thing can be clueless and not deliberate.
Different parenting approaches are not emotional abuse. But I agree it seems like there is a lot of tension at home and the kids are reacting to that.
Sell the house and move out.

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