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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I feel threatened?

20 replies

Pineapple177 · 03/01/2022 23:28

It's a bit of a short one, my boyfriend loves me and shows me heaps of affection but I cannot help but feel a bit threatened when I see him liking posts on social media of other girls.. sometimes loves it!
I've not said anything because I know in this day and age everything is taken a bit out of context.
Should I even waste my time feeling a bit jealous when I whole heartedly trust him?

Ps I'm not possessive or anything just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal.

OP posts:

AnotherSillawithanS · 03/01/2022 23:29

My boyfriend does not do this shit.
Find one like that op.

Bunnyfuller · 03/01/2022 23:31

It’s SM. Not RL. Both of you come off SM

FAQs · 03/01/2022 23:31

What sort of posts? When you say girls do you mean woman?

maskedwoman · 03/01/2022 23:32

@Pineapple177

It's a bit of a short one, my boyfriend loves me and shows me heaps of affection but I cannot help but feel a bit threatened when I see him liking posts on social media of other girls.. sometimes loves it! I've not said anything because I know in this day and age everything is taken a bit out of context. Should I even waste my time feeling a bit jealous when I whole heartedly trust him?

Ps I'm not possessive or anything just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal.

It's not a great feeling when they do this so don't feel hard on yourself. We all have feelings and if it upsets you then it can't be helped. You just need to work out any it upsets you.

If you 100% trust him then you don't need to do anything but if this is making you question your trust then you must bring it up with him. You will only drive yourself crazy if you don't.

If he is a loving a respectful partner he will understand your issues.

If he becomes angry and defensive then that's another story

Original poster

Pineapple177 · 03/01/2022 23:32

@FAQs

What sort of posts? When you say girls do you mean woman?

Yeah, women selfies really.

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 03:19

Not threatened just..totally put-off him.

Fair enough if it's group photos but I'd think my boyfriend was a creep if he started randomly liking a bunch of womens selfies on social media.

Exception being if it's his close friends of course.

Like, you have a gf mate, it's innaprorpiate and shows a distinct lack of moral fibre.

And don't waste your time trying to explain this to him btw. Because you cant explain respect for your partner into someone that doesn't have it.

Monty27 · 04/01/2022 03:32

SM has a lot to answer for. Of course it induces insecurities. Ask him to stop being immature and get real.

TheFoundation · 04/01/2022 04:34

You're suggesting switching off your natural emotional response to something. Why do you think this would be a good idea? Why do you want to silence yourself? Your feelings are the part of you that decide if a relationship is right for you. It doesn't matter if the other person is doing anything 'wrong' or not; there are actually no rules. It matters what you like; what makes you feel loved; what makes you feel safe; what makes you feel secure; what makes you smile.

If your partner is doing something that makes you feel crappy, tell him, and judge the relationship on his response. If he respects you, apologises, amends his behaviour, then your feelings are higher on his list of priorities than clicking 'like' on another woman's picture, as they should be. If he defends himself, tells you you're being silly, makes you feel that your feelings are 'wrong', then his behaviour is more important to him than you feeling ok. If this is the case, leave him.

Little things like this are a good way to find out how well your partner wants to treat you. Silencing your feelings is never a good idea. Presenting them calmly, without blame, is the way forward. Observe responses to this approach to choose who to be close to. That's boundaries, and self respect. Quieting down your feelings because you think they're just a bit silly/over-reactions/over-sensitivity is self disrespect.

TheFoundation · 04/01/2022 04:35

@Monty27

SM has a lot to answer for. Of course it induces insecurities. Ask him to stop being immature and get real.

SM is not at fault here, and suggesting that it is detracts from bf taking responsibility for his own actions.

Rangoon · 04/01/2022 04:44

I'd just find the ick with this. It is totally disrespectful. Do you post that sort of stuff about attractive men?

Sonaftersonafterson · 04/01/2022 14:31

It's not ok... not if you're in a serious relationship. Its disrespectful and everyone can see it.

Marineboy67 · 04/01/2022 16:03

It's a bit insensitive to say the least. Far to much emphasis on social media these days. Might be an idea to start living in the real world.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 16:05

Are they women that you're both friends with? I'm assuming they are or you wouldn't know?

If you're friends with them, and you trust him, I don't think it's an issue.

If he's commenting 😍💋🔥 that's a bit different.

Monty27 · 05/01/2022 04:48

@TheFoundation but SM is part of the upset. Like I said he needs to be checked on his immaturity as well. Amongst other things.

Nancydrawn · 05/01/2022 04:52

Is he liking photos of his friends? Or are they random women?

If the former, it's not unreasonable to be jealous, I suppose, but I might not read anything into it. I certainly have old friends on social media whose pictures I like, utterly platonically.

If it's the latter, it's straight up skeevy and gross. Not because it's a threat, but because it's like leering at strangers in the street.

TheFoundation · 05/01/2022 08:44

[quote Monty27]@TheFoundation but SM is part of the upset. Like I said he needs to be checked on his immaturity as well. Amongst other things.[/quote]
He's looking at pictures of other women. If it weren't for SM, he'd do it another way. I suppose then you'd say 'Top shelf mags have a lot to answer for'

This isn't about the medium he uses.

baileys6904 · 05/01/2022 10:38

Are the pictures of Facebook friends or random? To be honest, if they're friends and posting photos, it's almost etiquette to 'like' them. It's the new 'looking through people's holiday photos'-you're not really that interested but it's not polite to say so...

If one of my male friends posts a new photo, I 'like' it. I'm in a long term very happy relationship and have no intention of having my head turned, but it's acknowledging the fact that for whatever reason, they have found a photo important enough to them to publish it to people.

I haven't noticed how many photos my other half likes. I know he will do though. Means nothing

Oakleaf40 · 05/01/2022 15:44

I would see this as highly inappropriate for him to do and not ok. Also it could send out the wrong signal to the women he's is liking the post of.

Suprima · 05/01/2022 15:54

@Pineapple177

It's a bit of a short one, my boyfriend loves me and shows me heaps of affection but I cannot help but feel a bit threatened when I see him liking posts on social media of other girls.. sometimes loves it! I've not said anything because I know in this day and age everything is taken a bit out of context. Should I even waste my time feeling a bit jealous when I whole heartedly trust him?

Ps I'm not possessive or anything just wondering if what I'm feeling is normal.

I literally couldn’t shag a man, let alone be in a relationship with one, who actually wastes his time liking random girls and celeb’s pics on Instagram.

Why on earth are you wondering whether you feel threatened or not, instead of thinking ‘what a fucking loser’? Why are you jealous or querying your jealousy?

I suggest you enter a relationship with a grown up who actually has a life

girlmom21 · 05/01/2022 16:00

literally couldn’t shag a man, let alone be in a relationship with one, who actually wastes his time liking random girls and celeb’s pics on Instagram.

I assumed it was Facebook because OP said he likes and love reacts whereas on Instagram there's only the heart react.

If it's Facebook, it's much more personal - unless he's friends with loads of randoms - so it's more likely he's just liking his friends pictures. She'd have to be friends with them too to see that.

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