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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Relationship advice

25 replies

Chantelle2019 · 03/01/2022 23:02

I have been with my partner a year and a half, he likes to game and smoke but when we spend time together I feel as if that's what he would rather be doing, when we spend the day together he moans that he's going to be bored and there's nothing to do and he can't just sit down watching dag time TV all day. What do I do in this situation?

OP posts:

Craftycorvid · 03/01/2022 23:13

Leave him, love! Life is too short to waste on someone who doesn’t see you as a priority.

DatingDinosaur · 03/01/2022 23:46

Can't he game and smoke while you watch your daytime TV?

JackTheHack · 03/01/2022 23:47

Ugh, get rid of the manchild

Squeezyhug · 04/01/2022 00:02

Leave him and find someone more interesting who makes you a priority and enjoys your company.
He sounds boring, the sort who will suck all your positive energy and bring you down.

Life is too short and you deserve better.

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 00:07

Why doesn't he pull hus finger out and play something fun for you both to do then? Instead of being a petulant little man child.

I'm the sort of person who very much needs my own space. I game too. And I can't lie that sometimes I've been with a partner and thought 'I'd rather be back home playing a game rn'. But when that happens it either means A. We are hanging out too much and although I like them, I just need more me-time. Or B. The relationship has ran its course.

If it is A, then I try to communicate thus with my partner. And change things up. Eg: instead of spending a whole weekend together, we have a date night on Saturday and maybe stay over and then I leave by mid day. Quality time over quantity.

But I DONT sit about moaning about being fucking bored whilst with them. Because that's just the height of bloody ignorance.

In a grown up relationship, each partner communicates their needs and compromises are made. And both parties make an effort. And both parties respect the other persons needs and boundaries and try to accommodate them.

But if that isn't possible...if one person doesn't make any effort or if both parties cannot reach suitable middle ground...then it's not a viable relationship and its time to finish things.

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 00:07

*plan something not play something

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 00:13

Also...anyone else's biggest turn off in men - when they fail to take any initiative.

I'd be curious as to when this guy last did anything spontaneous, besides scratch his balls during a game of fifa.

Original poster

Chantelle2019 · 04/01/2022 00:17

I totally agree! We don't live together sometimes we don't see each other for 2/3days as he does like his own space to but them 2-3days all he is doing is playing computer games all day and smoking and then when we do see each other he will still come out with he's bored

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2022 00:23

What's that saying- only boring people get bored.

And tbh op...habitual weed smokers tend to be boring bastards in my experience.

dopple · 04/01/2022 00:25

Even worse when you don't live together and the time you do spend together, he'd rather be gaming. Doesn't sound like he wants to invest him much into making a good relationship work.
I once had a man like that, when he came to visit me he'd rather game or watch movies I didn't like etc, just not compatible, I think the best thing to do is leave him if he's not putting the effort in. Im still single but I'd rather be than with a man that doesn't show much interest in me.

MissConductUS · 04/01/2022 00:30

Double up your birth control with this one. Or better yet, find someone who isn't an overgrown teenager.

Squeezyhug · 04/01/2022 07:25

Nothing more lonely than being with someone who won’t give you the time of day.

Be single while you look for someone better.

Letitsnoooow · 04/01/2022 07:35

What’s the point in that? Find someone who enjoys your company.

TheFoundation · 04/01/2022 07:58

If he's bored, he needs to take responsibility, and find something to do. If he doesn't do this, then you need to decide whether you want a relationship with someone who would rather sit around and complain than make an effort to sort out the issue.

What do you think? Is that the sort of partner you want to be with, long term?

MuckyPlucky · 04/01/2022 08:01

Why did you decide to date a 14yr old? Has he even started shaving get?

Raise your standards, end things with the teen, and find an adult to go out with.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 04/01/2022 08:23

When you say smoke I assume you mean weed?

You mention daytime tv, does he not work?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 04/01/2022 08:30

This is your second thread in as many days about this man.

What do you want from such threads?. You won’t get any different answers to the ones you’ve already had re him. It’s your life to waste on him.

MizzFizz · 04/01/2022 08:47

Erm.... he complains about spending time with you and says it's boring? Why are you with him? Find someone who values you and wants to spend time together...

frozendaisy · 04/01/2022 08:51

He has no ambition.

Move on from him. He won't be able to keep up.

thetinsoldier · 04/01/2022 11:11

Dump him!

This is meant to be your honeymoon period!! He won't get any better, and you deserve more.

thetinsoldier · 04/01/2022 11:12

What do you do together? Watching TV can be boring..,

What about walks, shared hobbies, seeing friends, days out?

He sounds boring if gaming is all he can think to do.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 11:17

Do you actually do things together? Do you both work?

User2638483 · 04/01/2022 11:42

Do either of you have a job?

DayzeeDaresYou · 04/01/2022 11:49

You need to find someone with more positive interests.

A bit of gaming now and then is fine but continuous plus weed…..no. Be careful you don’t get dragged down the same path as him if you do stay but he won’t change.
Even if you had kids in the future, he wouldn’t change.

Shoxfordian · 04/01/2022 11:53

Date someone who isn’t bored in your company instead

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