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Original poster

DS is a people pleaser and I hate it! How to prevent?

27 replies

mailpal · 03/01/2022 22:55

He is a toddler! 3.5 years but seeks and craves praise..

He is a libra and it says this star sign are known to people please and get taken advantage of..

I know people may comment on his age but he is very aware/empathetic and I see he gives in to other very easily - hands over toys, doesn't snatch from other kids, very considerate for someone so young..

I see he wants to help others and get praise for that..

How do I prevent too much of this?

Thanks x

OP posts:
Arabelladrinkstea · 03/01/2022 22:56

My son is a libra and totally carries this trait! Grin

Meadowblossom · 03/01/2022 23:01

Your son sounds wonderful OP. He will make a popular, considerate adult.
Why do you want to change him? Would you prefer him to be inconsiderate of others?

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2022 23:03

He sounds nice.

Your job is to help him develop an internal locus. When he seeks praise you say, "are you proud of yourself?" or "did you do a good job?"

Bounce back every time so he considers his own feelings and needs.

UltraVividLament · 03/01/2022 23:03

It's very normal for children of that age to respond to praise as you've described. It's git nothing to do with the month he was born in.

You don't need to do anything to prevent this behaviour. Not snatching and sharing kindly are traits you should be happy are natural for your child!

In general terms, to stop other children "taking advantage" you can make sure he knows he can say no to other children and you can help him enforce his boundaries if he says no to another child and they just grab toys off him anyway.

Nathlash · 03/01/2022 23:24

@UltraVividLament

It's very normal for children of that age to respond to praise as you've described. It's git nothing to do with the month he was born in.

You don't need to do anything to prevent this behaviour. Not snatching and sharing kindly are traits you should be happy are natural for your child!

In general terms, to stop other children "taking advantage" you can make sure he knows he can say no to other children and you can help him enforce his boundaries if he says no to another child and they just grab toys off him anyway.

Exactly this. And model good boundaries yourself as he gets older. I’m the eldest daughter of a chronic people-pleaser who would let herself be run down by a bus rather than say no to someone — she thinks people will dislike her if she says no. It was a miserable way to grow up, as she put us last, as an aspect of herself.
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2022 00:48

He is a libra and it says this star sign are known to people please and get taken advantage of..

Just FYI I'm a Scorpio. Which means supposedly a tiny lump,of rock 5.2 billion miles away, smaller than Australia across, influences me. Because of where it was when I was born, decades ago. Sounds like a load of old bollocks, doesn't it?

HeddaGarbled · 04/01/2022 00:51

it says this star sign are known to people please

‘It’ talks bollocks

Branleuse · 04/01/2022 00:56

I wish my kids were librans. They sound good! Ive got a picses and we all know they end up wronguns. An Aries, who is obviously annoying and an aquarius who is away with the bloody fairies. Standard I guess for that alignment

Offside · 04/01/2022 00:59

My daughter was very much the same but I used to view it as a confidence thing, she wasn’t assertive enough and she used to easily get upset in the scenarios you describe above happened. We saw it constantly at school also with a particular friend who had a big influence over her.

We have since moved her school and as she has got older (she’s now 8) her confidence has grown and we don’t see this as much, if anything it has swung the other way and we have to remind her that she’s not always going to get her own way, but her friendships are much more balanced and accepting than they were in her previous school.

NotaCoolMum · 04/01/2022 01:00

Is this a wind up? MN seems to be full of weird crap tonight

SpankyPankhurst · 04/01/2022 01:04

My husband is a narky bollocks

DartmoorChef · 04/01/2022 01:22

an aquarius who is away with the bloody fairies.

I'm an Aquarius and my mum would have said that about me too..😆

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 01:40

If you believed in that sort of thing...what would be the expected behaviour of a 5 year old Taurus?

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2022 02:23

@DropYourSword

If you believed in that sort of thing...what would be the expected behaviour of a 5 year old Taurus?
Sometimes flighty but often stubborn. Knows his/her own mind except when there's pressure. Can lose their temper fairly quickly but as quickly finds their level. If tired or hungry can struggle with daily routine. Finds friends rewarding but a challenge.

I just made that up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2022 02:24

See the following:

You have a great need for other people to like and admire you.
You have a tendency to be critical of yourself.
You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.
While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.
Your sexual adjustment has presented problems for you.
Disciplined and self-controlled outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure inside.
At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.
You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations.
You pride yourself as an independent thinker and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof.
You have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.
At times you are extroverted, affable, sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, reserved.
Some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic.
Security is one of your major goals in life.

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 03:38

@MrsTerryPratchett

Sometimes flighty but often stubborn. Knows his/her own mind except when there's pressure. Can lose their temper fairly quickly but as quickly finds their level. If tired or hungry can struggle with daily routine. Finds friends rewarding but a challenge.

I just made that up.

GrinGrin
That’s way more on the money than what I just googled, which states;

You can expect your little Taurean baby to showcase a laid back, genuinely friendly nature about them. (Breathe a sigh of relief mum, you’ve got a relatively easy one here!).
The Taurus in them gives them a natural patience and gentleness

Ha fucking ha!!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2022 05:05

I've clearly got a future in this @DropYourSword

Does that mean I'm psychic?

DropYourSword · 04/01/2022 05:06

@MrsTerryPratchett

I've clearly got a future in this *@DropYourSword*

Does that mean I'm psychic?

I think you already know I’m going to say yes Grin
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/01/2022 05:30
Grin
MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 04/01/2022 06:25

Make sure you encourage him to be aware of and make space for his other needs and desires, not just the people-pleasing drive that he prioritise. So, ask him to make choices (about food, clothes, games, activities, etc) and praise him when he does.

BurnedToast · 04/01/2022 06:28

My DH is a Libra as is DD. Definitely not people pleasers.

ittakes2 · 04/01/2022 06:46

Is this a stealth boost?
I wish someone will tell my libra children what they are meant to be like!

SpringRainbow · 04/01/2022 06:51

@BurnedToast

My DH is a Libra as is DD. Definitely not people pleasers.
Yeah was about to post the same thing, the Libra in my life is definitely not a people pleaser either.

In fact they would be happy to never see people ever again.

They really miss lockdown life Hmm

Kennykenkencat · 04/01/2022 08:49

Actually if you looking at astrology it isn’t the month/star sign you are born under that gives you the traits of your personality but what your rising sign is and what planets are placed in the first house at exact time and place of birth. Plus a whole host of other house and planet placements.
I have known a couple of Librans.
Both on the surface are nice people but one was the type to smile in your face whilst figuratively stab you in the back if you got in their way

The other had a mother who also thought her Dd displayed all the signs of being a typical Libra. and would tell us how shy, indecisive and easily led her Dd was.
Her Dd was confident and decisive and more Alpha female than follower but trying to convince her mother was met with replies of how you didn’t know her Dd.
I think most people within 5 minutes knew her Dd better than her own mother

Gilles27 · 04/01/2022 13:26

I don't believe in any of this star sign nonsense, but us Capricorns are renowned for being sceptics! :)