Feeling inadequate with new partner

[lothermand]

Have been seeing someone since May this year, we see a lot of each other, get on great. His ex "loved cooking" aka a great cook, and she had a "well paid job"..

I can cook, but neither enjoy, nor think im great at it, I also have an average paid job. I constantly feel inadequate. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't keep saying these things, they were said in the beginning, but things do get said occasionally. I do have form for feeling inadequatebut is this normal?

Is 'normal' what you're aiming at?

It doesn't matter what 'normal' is unless that's what you want to be.

Respect your feelings. If you don't feel good about something in your relationship, tell your partner. Expect him to respect your feelings too. If he doesn't, leave.

Why is he mentioning his ex at all? What would he say if you said you didn't like that?

Ime a bf who isn't slagging their ex off is a refreshing change and a healthy one. Dh carries no baggage and holds no angry /aggression towards his ex... The best way imo. If you didn't have secret talents he wouldn't be with you would he??

@Santaisstilleatingmincepies I totally agree with you, I don't want a bitter partner. It's not about him is it? It's about me and my feelings of low self esteem..

And yes, my secret talents are obviously what he was attracted to

Try flipping your thinking around, you have the opposite of her and things didn't work out for her and your bf so your in a much better position!! Don't compare yourself to someone else

I know this is a cliché but....‘comparison is the thief of joy’.

We all have different strengths, don't worry about it

Well they aren't together anymore so what she did or didn't do doesn't matter.

Does he have a well paid job and know how to cook well?

@TheFoundation I guess we all have a past (especially at my age) and experiences are mentioned in conversation, it isn't vindictive or said as a comparison, it's my general feeling of inadequacy I think.

@probablynotthesame you're right, never thought of it like that.

@Lysianthus I'm always using that phrase myself, yet I do it frequently.

@Momijin I'm sure I have different strengths, and I wish one of them was being able to shrug these feelings off.

@RantyAunty correct, it is irrelevant, and rational me knows that, but every time something comes up, it triggers my inner saboteur. He can cook and he has an ordinary (just above average) paid income.

This 'fault' lies within me, only I can do something about it. I thought I'd been doing ok when I was single, but since meeting someone, all these insecurities are rearing their ugly heads.