Codependency- has anyone over come this?

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I am definitely codependant and it's making my life a misery. I am living with dw and sometimes it's unbearable with her mood swings. Most people would walk away but for me the thought of not being with her just kills me. I find it unbearable being without her. I've looked up codependency in relationships and I am definitely codependant.
I am considering going to a counsellor for help with this as it effects my day to day living.
I know it's because of my upbringing.

I just would like to know if there are any others living like this and if you have had help to overcome this unbearable feeling.

"I know it's because of my upbringing*

Start there. Go for counselling and heal the child inside.
Look at Transactional Analysis, and attachment theory.
I suspect she has some childhood trauma too?

Recommend therapy 100%. Well done for recognising that something needs to change. Professional support with this will be absolutely invaluable. Good luck with it

Look up Richard Grannon

Yes, I have had EMDR Therpay for childhood trauma and sexual abuse. I kept telling my therapist I was definitely codependant and I needed help with it but she didn't really help with that.

How do I find the right therapist for me?

@spotcheck

"I know it's because of my upbringing*

Start there. Go for counselling and heal the child inside.
Look at Transactional Analysis, and attachment theory.
I suspect she has some childhood trauma too?

I've had a psychological assessment and they said I am an anxious attachment personality

Yes me, I have always been co-dependent in relationships, but my last relationship with my exh was so bad, I knew I had to leave. So I sought out Schema Therapy! It’s changed my life and I have been very happily single for the last four years!

www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/codepency-thought-patterns

OP, if you are in the northwest, drop me a pm and I’ll let you know where I went fir it.

@Dontsayyouloveme

Yes me, I have always been co-dependent in relationships, but my last relationship with my exh was so bad, I knew I had to leave. So I sought out Schema Therapy! It’s changed my life and I have been very happily single for the last four years!

www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/codepency-thought-patterns

OP, if you are in the northwest, drop me a pm and I’ll let you know where I went fir it.

Hi @Dontsayyouloveme I've just pm'd you re your NW recommendation.

Now following Richard Gannon on youtube thank you @supercali77

I also like Lisa A Romano Breakthrough Life Coach on youtube and have some of her books (unfinished as yet)...

That is so useful @Dontsayyouloveme

This book might be useful OP (and others)
Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie

@Dontsayyouloveme

Yes me, I have always been co-dependent in relationships, but my last relationship with my exh was so bad, I knew I had to leave. So I sought out Schema Therapy! It’s changed my life and I have been very happily single for the last four years!

www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/codepency-thought-patterns

OP, if you are in the northwest, drop me a pm and I’ll let you know where I went fir it.

Hi. Thanks for all your kind replies.

Sorry you've also suffered from this debilitating thing.

How did you overcome your codependency?

If you look after your own emotional self, you won't need the relationship. This will give you a more secure attachment style, and you'll be less dependent/reliant on the relationship.

Do you get a voice/feeling inside that you keep quiet? Angry/scared/panicky/worried, perhaps?

I would recommend 'The Codependency Recovery Plan'.

It is a difficult road to travel, as all 'unlearning' is but there is hope and you can change your behaviour patterns for the better.

Although it is a big subject you may want to research Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Good luck OP

I'm the same, learned from my parents co-dependent marriage (which is very happy and works for them).

I'm now three months out of an abusive relationship, which started with the usual love bombing, five years later I'm free, I spend the last year detaching and creating my independence, when I finally managed to get him out of my home I fell nothing but happy and free, I'm having therapy to ensure I don't fall back into another similar pattern in the future. I learned what healthy attachment looks like but right now can't imagine ever letting another man in.

I'm single now for the first real time since I was 16, and have never been more me and happy.

@Dontsayyouloveme

Yes me, I have always been co-dependent in relationships, but my last relationship with my exh was so bad, I knew I had to leave. So I sought out Schema Therapy! It’s changed my life and I have been very happily single for the last four years!

www.thecenterforgrowth.com/tips/codepency-thought-patterns

OP, if you are in the northwest, drop me a pm and I’ll let you know where I went fir it.

How do I PM on here. There is no button for it?

I'd recommend going on the BACP website because you can search for counsellors in your location and also search for ones who are trained in what you are after - eg "secure attachment" "codependency" "relationships". You can send counsellors an initial message outlining what you need support with and they will let you know if they can help or not. Good luck!