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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

who buys childs clothes after divorce

9 replies

winniebee · 03/01/2022 18:54

son and daughter in law are divorced son took his son and left due to unreasonable behaviour by his wife ,child would not stay with his mum and continually asked for a new one very hard to listen to he asked when he was 3 then again at xmas when he was 4 she had no real interest in him except when her friends were around. provided nothing for the first 5 years of childs life either .She had a better job and prospects ,he stayed at home with the child but was not allowed any money at all she would tell him to phone us the grandparents to sent money for nappies etc, we also paid half the bills as she insisted on that she was out most nights which led to him leaving and the child going with him ,anyway today another message to say it is sons turn to buy shoes he had bought school shoes and trainers from clarks for back to school plus uniforms she then asked him to send round some of what he had bought to her ,also if child goes to visit her on her days the lovely clothes he goes in dont come back always old stuff returned ,son has lost his job, she has a very high paying job but for the 20 plus years we have known that money is something she is strange about, she has suffered with mental health problems but seems ok at the moment she says she doesnt have any mental health issues no one would know that she was abuse in the relationship how do we handle this they have dual guardianship , just need advice really

OP posts:
Lucyccfc68 · 03/01/2022 19:05

Who does the child live with and does the other parent pay maintenance?

Theunamedcat · 03/01/2022 19:07

As above and message her and ask for the child's clothing back

junebirthdaygirl · 03/01/2022 19:08

Your ds will probably have to buy everything his dc needs as sounds like he will get nowhere. Could he get some basic, cheap tracksuits just for going round to mums and plain runners.
Keep best stuff at home.
If he has the dc most of the time can he claim maintenance from the Mom through the courts or however it works.
I am genuinely of the opinion that the less fighting over these little details the better.

Gardenista · 03/01/2022 19:15

Are you UK based? I find it very strange that a 3 or 4 year old is asking for a new mother for Christmas without prompting from those around the child. My 6 year old has an absent patent and wishes for the parent to live closer/visit more/
phone more - not for a better parent/parent to be replaced.

It sounds like there is financial abuse to me. I’d send child to contact in oldest clothes - and ask for clothes to be returned. Sounds very petty and unkind - poor child to be caught up in this

Pinkyxx · 03/01/2022 19:17

I've always bought all my child's clothes. I've had to replace those which magically disappear at ex's house, including endless school uniform / shoes etc. Holding the NRP accountable simply isn't possible.

ldontWanna · 03/01/2022 19:18

Does the child live with your son ? Is there a court order?
Does she pay maintenance?

winniebee · 03/01/2022 19:31

no one ever prompted the child was awful we did think to maybe tell her but son said it would break her she would come homefrom work son would say mummys home he would run to her she would ignore him and just say im going out tonight in the end he didnt run to the door to greet her any more just said no like her it was an awful time then we went to see santa and out it came a new mummy , daughter in laws family are quite strange her mother left daughter in law and brother when the little boy was 6 to go and find herself didnt come back for 16 years now ocassionally turns up very hard to watch grandchild being hurt when she doesnt come , think the advice just to get some cheap stuff is good advice so thank you

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 03/01/2022 21:13

My son asked for a new dad one who cares and who doesn't hurt people we compromised and he just doesn't see this one unless he wants too

KiloWhat · 03/01/2022 21:39

How many days does your son look after his child sorry if you said and I missed it. Is it 50/50?

Don't send child to mums in New clothes just send in scruffy play clothes.

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