Affair partner still lying to her husband

[Differentstoryaffairs]

My Ex H had an affair with a colleague. It went on for just over a year with a few breaks in between. I asked for and got told all the nitty gritty details.

I told OWs husband. OW admitted to just what could be proved with evidence and said was four months. I said I would happily show her husband more to show went on for longer. He said I was lying and blocked me.

I shouldn’t care but I do. It driving me insane that she has “got of with it” and minimised a year to four month fling.

Please help me move on. Am on waiting list for counselling.

Op, I think you need t9 focus on your own recovery and getting over this and stop obsessing over this woman. She’s not got off with anything. She hasn’t committed a crime. It’s not your role to punish. Your husband cheated on you, he was the issue. The marriage is over. Time to work out to heal.

I really feel for you @Differentstoryaffairs.

It is so frustrating and upsetting that she seems to have pulled the wool over this guys eyes, while your marriage is in pieces after a terrible betrayal.

I don’t think that many people understand the deep seated rage that you have as someone who has been betrayed unless you have been through it; the deep need for justice and you’re clearly feeling that she didn’t get her just deserts, after your marriage was destroyed.

I don’t know how far out you are but it takes years to heal from this and it sounds like you’re still deeply traumatised. The counselling will do you the world of good.

I am reconciled and I can tell you categorically that that only became a reality once I had all my puzzle pieces in place. I remember the day I finally knew the full truth and the relief my husband and I both felt. This man will never have that. His ‘repaired’ marriage is on a bed of lies still. And somewhere deep down he knows that and their rig sweeping will come back to bite them both. Don’t be angry with him though he is as much as a victim of your husband and her as you are.

PP are right, try to let it go, live your best life, plan your amazing future, you don’t need to be part of that drama anymore!

I know this must be so difficult for you but his actions are not necessarily representative of what he believes… he just isn’t ready to confront it and wants to believe what he knows are lies as it’s easier. He does believe you deep down - logically his wife has betrayed and lied to him. She benefits from minimising and even if you had motive to hurt her you don’t stand to gain. Unfortunately he gains from believing her lies so he is choosing to. Yes it’s unjust and unfair but you have done what you can and the rest is his look out. It is likely in time he will be ready to confront it or be forced to. Try to focus on your immediate surroundings and getting yourself through this intact/stronger.

@Differentstoryaffairs

I think had he stayed and knew everything then I wouldn’t feel this way.

I feel frustrated and that it’s unfair. A year is a whole different ball game. Why would he think I lied

He doesn’t think you lied. He does know.

He’s known it from the moment you offered to show him the texts - how would that work, if you were lying?

Just pity him. Poor fucker 😕

@Differentstoryaffairs

Thank you all. In my head, I’ve written a hundred more messages but will not send anymore.

Why would he not believe me? Why would I lie about the timing?

He doesn't want this connection with you.

You are a stranger, privy to his humiliation and hurt. He doesn't want to share this experience with you. He doesn't want any of this to be the reality and ... he doesn't want to know you.

He knows you're telling the truth, but he's in denial. In his distress and disorientation, he needs to be able to hold on to something solid and familiar and that's, even more confusingly, his wife.

He's just been destroyed by disloyalty. So he's nit going to be disloyal to her. He's not going to believe you over her.

Sounds crazy but that's emotional logic for you.

He's rejecting you and your unpleasant truth so he can preserve an illusion of the truth that he can cope with, and rely on.

4 months he can cope with. A year he can't.

This isn't about you. It's about him. Xx

@Differentstoryaffairs

My Ex H had an affair with a colleague. It went on for just over a year with a few breaks in between. I asked for and got told all the nitty gritty details.

I told OWs husband. OW admitted to just what could be proved with evidence and said was four months. I said I would happily show her husband more to show went on for longer. He said I was lying and blocked me.

I shouldn’t care but I do. It driving me insane that she has “got of with it” and minimised a year to four month fling.

Please help me move on. Am on waiting list for counselling.

Not your business really

I'm with the others, he doesn't think you're lying, he is reacting . And has a lot to process. You're not responsible for how he deals with it all. Shame he had to be a d* about it but you don't need that on top of everything else!

News like this is a like grief and has many stages. You are going through this process too, and I hope you get the help you need to get through it.

Ultimately things will get better for you. Just take it a day at a time and be kind to yourself. You didn't deserve any of this but you will come out stronger. As for the OW DH, each to his own. Sending hugs xx

Kindly, you need to get out of this man’s life.

You are not welcome and you are not helping him.