My boyfriend never wants sex..

[lana29]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, at the start of the relationship when we would check in at a hotel he would be all over me, and we would have sex and even when he was really drunk he would manage. It was lots. Even long distance he would be texting things.
Now 2 years in we’re still long distance but I stay more often and well he never is the one that initiates it’s always me, I’ve brought it up to him before and it was sort of brushed off. When I’m away from him (no dirty texts which before was often) Even now when he’s drunk it’s like no chance. There is also times i’ll dress up for him and he’ll knock me back.
I’m 28 and he is 40, we have no kids?
What is ;( I’m worried that he never and typically it’s usually a guy that would want! Christmas break we’ve spent whole week together and when it’s came to sex it’s always later (then later comes..)

Sorry to hear that - it sounds tough. If it's really upsetting you then it's probably worth trying to bring it up again. I think it works better to try to phrase it in a positive way, like "I really like it when you initiate things with me, because it's lovely to feel desired" or something like that, rather than "you never do this" which might make him get defensive.

There was a thread about this kind of issue recently - it related more to longer relationships where this was a bigger problem, but it might be of some interest:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4374940-sexless-marriage-thread-anyone-want-to-join

I wouldn't be wasting my time in a relationship like this tbh

It could be a lot of reasons - we can only speculate here. What’s the most concerning is he is not willing to discuss it with you. If he is unable or unwilling to discuss your sex live together then it doesn’t really bode well. Is he communicative and affectionate in other ways? Do you discuss other problems?

It could be ED, he could be using porn so he’s not interested in you, lots of other reasons too.
You are too young to waste your time on this.

Are you still meeting in hotels?

Maybe it was more exciting when you were.

He's losing interest or perhaps the alcohol is now impacting his ability. Maybe this has run its course and you need to move on. It just seems too soon to lose desire.

He’s n his 40’s, maybe he’s experiencing erectile dysfunction or maybe, like others have said, he’s losing interest?
The only way to know for sure is to ask to have an open and honest conversation , if he’s unwilling to do that then I would end things.

Long distance? No children to consider?
It's like you're pushing water up hill already, and it's hard work anyway because of the distance!

I'd enjoy being single until you meet somebody. You have the worst of both worlds right now. A relationship that isn't easy, isn't working, isn't making you feel good.

New year, clear the path for what's right.

There could be loads of reasons- is he depressed? How is the relationship in other ways?

2 years is generally the "honeymoon period" so things do tend to slow down a bit however you wouldn't expect it to go to nothing. There will be something underlying- maybe be isn't invested in the relationship anymore? The only way you will know is by talking to him about it and it might take a while to get an answer depending on what the reason is. Hope you manage to sort it x

Thanks for all responses, he holds my hand, we still go places and he tells me how much he loves me, some are saying it’s due to him watching porn but I asked and he hasn’t done that in a while and for the last two weeks that I’ve been here by his side there has been no porn. When we do have sex he cums pretty quick normally.

Could it be that he's worried about cumming too quickly or some other kind of anxiety like that? Or any chance of erectile dysfunction? At 40 some men unfortunately can start to have some functional issues, and the chances may be higher if they've been heavy drinkers for a long time. Or something else in his life that might be bothering him?

Talk to him again (kindly) and ask if you can do anything to help him. It could be anything/it could be nothing (he’s allowed to not want sex). Tell him that the physical side of your relationship is important to you and that you are worried about him.
If he doesn’t want to discuss it again it’s up to you, are you willing to wait?

If it's important to you why have you allowed him to 'brush the conversation off'?

As someone said he may be coming too quick. Guys can be insecure on that one.
Try building up slower than usual, if you stimulate each others genitals and you both get into it then it may work. Talking is a must, these man troubles can be fixes and without viagra.

We can all speculate; aliens have replaced him, loss of libido due to age, medication etc. However we aren’t him and if he won’t talk about it then you need to decide if the lack of sex is a dealbreaker or if you are content with sharing your relationship with a permanent elephant in the room.

If you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge issues between you and refuses to discuss them, then don’t.

I am sorry but this relationship is going nowhere...

After two years you should know where you stand and making plans (if you want a long term partner and a family), not still having a long distance connection where you don't even have intimacy/sex and can't communicate when something is bothering you.

You need someone who can give you a real relationship.

Also, try to date someone closer in age. This is a sizable age gap and it will have in impact too.

This relationship isn't going anywhere, when it gets to the point of him knocking you back after you get dressed up to make an effort, he's not into you.
Two years in and still long distance, why is that? is it because of him?

Sounds like it's run its course.
Surely after 2 yrs, the relationship should have moved on from a long distance to something more concrete. Of course, if the relationship was a fling, sounds like the early lust is dying a death.

It's done.

You're 28, just dump the guy and go find one that you have chemistry with, lives closeby and wants the same in life as you (settling down in a few years, kids, or travelling the world, whatever but not this long distance shit).

Op, I'm in the same boat.
I'ts just never going to change. Never.
I tried my best with my boyfriend. Now he sleeps in the garden shed.
I've told my boyfriend it's over but he's not going anywhere.
Since November I've been shagging someone else and it's amazing.