I feel really stifled!

[MsWalterMitty]

My husband is lovely, but he’s soo much more loving and affectionate than me. A lot more physically affectionate and playful.

It really stifles me! I explain this and then I end up being the bad guy.

I can understand why I am the bad guy, it’s not great for him. But it’s not just him I’m like this with… my kids and family/friends too. It’s just who I am! But it really upsets him.

Urgh. Same.

I need my space. I need my quiet. I need to read without someone asking what I’m thinking.

I get you.

He needs to work on accepting you for who you are rather than who he'd like you to be. It can be tough when your way of expressing love and affection is not received as intended, but he needs to understand that everyone's different.

You might also need to communicate your need for space (mental and physical) in a kinder way, with a focus on 'it's not you, it's me', which in this case sounds actually true.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

Urgh. Same.

I need my space. I need my quiet. I need to read without someone asking what I’m thinking.

I get you.

Yes! This, exactly!!

We’ve had 2 weeks off together as a family, we’ve been visiting family and friends, but came home last night. Today is our first day back home, just the 4 of us. We’re all tired! I’m back in work tomorrow, but dh has another 5 days off… 3 of which will be alone as the kids will be back in school.

He just won’t leave me alone today, he’s just doesn’t understand that today is my only opportunity to have some alone time properly… despite me doing some school work 🙄… So I snapped at him and he’s gone out! But now I feel bad!

You’d think after 17yrs together he’d be able to understand

@iloveorange

He needs to work on accepting you for who you are rather than who he'd like you to be. It can be tough when your way of expressing love and affection is not received as intended, but he needs to understand that everyone's different.

You might also need to communicate your need for space (mental and physical) in a kinder way, with a focus on 'it's not you, it's me', which in this case sounds actually true.

He really does.

He communicates better through texts/emails, rather than talking. Which is fine. So I’ve messaged him similar to what you have said

I think you both need to find some compromise here and work on your communication.

Just as it is just who you are, it is also just who he is too!

@Eleganz

I think you both need to find some compromise here and work on your communication.

Just as it is just who you are, it is also just who he is too!

Thanks, yeah we do.

He comes across as overbearing and I come across unaffectionate.

Communication and compromise

You have to clearly but kindly set boundaries, and make an effort when you are with him.

@Luredbyapomegranate

Communication and compromise

You have to clearly but kindly set boundaries, and make an effort when you are with him.

I do make an effort… but it’s still not enough of an effort for him. It’s tiring!

I feel that I am affectionate in other ways… But I do touch/hug/kiss etc. but not to the same extent.

It does sound really tiring.

Would he agree to counselling? A neutral party to mediate might help.