Do you ever regret having a child?

[oopswhatdoido]

Not sure what topic to post this in.

Has anyone ever regretted having a child? Dp and I made a mistake last month and am now pregnant. Initial reaction was to have a termination and this is DPs thoughts too.

Our DC, three boys are 13,12 and 7. We own a small 3 bed terrace which is already tight for space bedroom wise.

We both have good stable jobs, not on massive salaries but comfortable. There is lots of room for promotion for DP. I have also set up a business on the side of my part time work which should do ok and can be done from home with kids.

The problem is we are at such a nice stage with the kids, we can go anywhere with them, have lovely relaxing holidays, have very little childcare and I know it sounds silly but can lie on in bed if we need it. I work nights and if kids are off school I don't NEED childcare as they are old enough to know they need to be quiet to let me sleep.

We were veering towards termination, but there's a part of me that wants a baby again, has anyone had an unplanned pregnancy and went on to have the baby and really regretted it?

Please no judgement, I'm an emotional wreck as it is and I know we should have been more careful. I'm 4weeks pregnant

I regret having a child with the wrong person

@moremoony

I regret having a child with the wrong person

Me too. I love my dd but I wish I'd had a child with someone else.

OP I did have an abortion a long time ago. I never regretted it even though I wish I'd had more children, but circumstances werent right and that was very important to me. Plus I dont like the baby/little kid stage and my DD was already more independent and I didn't want to go back to doing that all over again.

My children were 16 and 14 when I found out I was expecting again it was a shock as I believed I couldn't have any more children, so my life was very easy like yours I could sleep in if I wanted didn't have to worry much about childcare, my LO is now 18 months old and I could imagine life without him it was such a shock to the system the sleepless night taking ages to leave the house ect but I would do it all over again

*couldn

Sounds so difficult. If I was in your position I would definitely terminate

Sorry couldn't Imagine life without my little boy he brings such joy and happiness

It’s a difficult one, I am trying to put myself in your shoes, on a practical level given the ages of your children, it’s a long way to go back, sleepless nights, nappies, nursery etc. Only having a 3 bed house etc. Your teens are also going to be demanding for a few years yet.

But on an emotional level, I am not sure I could have a termination, thankfully I have never been in this situation. If I was I expect would have the baby and send DP for the snip, so you don’t find yourself in this situation ever again.

Good luck and best wishes to you, make the right decision for you, don’t be pressurised, take time to think it all through.

Thanks everyone for you advice. I really appreciate it and it really did help me come to my decision. I have decided to terminate.

I have my first meeting tomorrow so delighted to just get the ball rolling. I won't be doing it until next week (you have to wait a week between consultations) but feel at peace with it. I am nervous and will be sick next week in the lead up but it is the best choice for my family.

Hi @oopswhatdoido I have name changed for this.

I have older children and nearly 2 years ago, found myself completely unexpectedly pregnant. I was 43, had safely used cycle tracking etc and lo and behold, there was I pregnant.

It was without doubt the hardest decision I had to make. I looked at my age, the ages of my children, the impact to all our lives, financially, logistically etc. I thought about setting myself back 10 years (nursery/ primary school/ school runs). I thought of the sleepless nights (my youngest didn’t sleep through for years!). I obviously also thought about the joy a little one brings - and how much I love my children.

Ultimately I made the decision to terminate. I’ve never regretted it. My children are now in secondary and life has gotten so much easier. But they also need me to be more present and available as they tackle their teen years, which I can be. I know I would have struggled trying to do it all.

My little star is a part of me but I stand by my decision. For the me the process itself was very straightforward. The staff in Marie stopes were beyond lovely.

@oopswhatdoido I made a similar difficult decision years ago. Dh and I each made a list of why / why not. On an emotional guilt level I might have gone ahead, but every point of reason weighed against it - the ages of our already existing children, the impact on our family, the need to move house and add disruption, the long term consequences for me and dh (being older parents).

It was a sad decision, but right.

As the years have gone by I have been more and more certain that it was the right decision to make: when teenage dc was bullied and had awful self esteem issues I was able to make time for that, not distracted by a toddler; when dc needed financial support we could offer it knowing it only impacted on us and not on any other child; as our retirement approached we could make plans which included caring for our dgc (rather than having to continue working to pay university fees for an other child).

Absolutely. 11 years on still do. We had 3. Life was going perfectly. Had a brain fart and had number 4 8 years after our last. This child has been beyond difficult. I love them but if I could have my time again I'd never have done this. They always say you don't regret the kids you have only those you don't. I beg to differ. I am an exception to that rule and I know I'm not alone but it's not acceptable to admit that out loud.

If I could go back even further I'd have stopped at 2 or had none at all. But I'm here and I pay for my decision daily... It's hard.

I don’t regret having my children. One ( both adults) is severely disabled, and I wouldn’t change a thing, other than his life being easier.

I don’t regret deciding to terminate my final pregnancy either. It was the right decision for all of us. I felt that then and now . It wasn’t difficult and I had and have no guilt.

Every day

I wouldn't hesitate to have a termination in fact I did and I know it would have upset me forever if I had allowed my self to feel that way. I do think what if as I had to wait until 4 months for my termination so a lot more guilt ( imho )