feeling really fed up with dh....(bit long sorry)

[Reallymiserable]

my dh works away and last night had to fly to another country for a meeting today. He called when he was about to fly and I said I was worried about dd(1yr) as she was rather dehydrated. So I said I would call NHS direct and let him know if there was any news. So called my parents as well as I was getting rather upset and they came over and the NHS nurse called me and said to take dd to A&E to get checked out. So we all went of in my dads car, me thinking I would call dh in the car. But I stupidly forgot my mobile. My parents don't believe in mobiles. THen at the hospital dd was rather distraught and being sick all the time. It took ages and ages to get seen, then start rehydration fluids to see if she would take them. In the mean time dh called the hospital and got them to find me, at first I thought great I will get to speak to him. But he just screamed down the phone at me that I had betrayed him as I had not called him and basically how could I be like this when he was away.

Went on and on like this. I was in the A&E till the early hours and called him when we were being seen and my mum was able to look after dd for a bit on her own. But again he just went on and on about how awful I was not to have called him etc etc. Even said he had left messages on my phone telling me to get out of 'his' flat( he bought it before we were married and its only his name on it, I had never thought about this before)

THen had more arguments this morning on the phone. Eventually after a few crazy phone calls we both calmed down a bit to speak properly.
But he still says he is so p*d off at me and it has dented our marriage. Will take time to heal etc etc.

I just feel so annyoed and depressed that I am here with my dd who is really not very well and had to deal with so much last night and now I have him telling me I have made our marriage suffer because I did not call him immediately.

He has never spent more than a few hours with her on his own so has no idea about how tiring it can be, especially when she is not herself.

I can see that I should have called him as he was worried etc etc and I have said sorry for not doing that.

But where do we go from here. I am not sure anyone can give much advice, perhaps I just needed to sound off to someone not involved.

i would say "i forgot the phone, i was preoccupied with my sick child and i think thats understandable, i understand you were worried and upset but your reaction was not warrented and was very unhelpful to the situation and really hurtful. i just forgot the phone, i didnt do it on purpose, i wasnt intentionally leaving you out of the loop, it was an accident that could happen again in the future, i forgot the phone. forgot it. i didn't stab the next door neighbour or kill a litter of kittens, i forgot the phone it was an unintentional action and i cannot live each day on eggshells wondering if i do something unintentionally that this would cause a rift in out marriage you see i FORGOT the phone

that's EXACTLY what I'd say too Custy.

GO CUSTY!

Reallymiserable, I am sorry your husband is an arse. How is your DD now?

Custardo, that's just right.

He acted like a twit.
Probably felt guilty for not being there.
Expect an apology.

Reallymiserable hope you and the wee one are doing ok.
Kateandthegirls ref my post being 'ridiculous'- we're all different and would react to different situations in different ways. Personally I would seriously think what have me and the babe got to lose. Am assuming of course that this is not a one off and that he is generally a selfish git who is prone to verbal abuse and emotional blackmail.
Suppose I'm a bit of a zero tolerance person because of my family background - abusive father. The husband's reaction would have been a typical one for my father so I would be concerned that, even if this is not his normal behaviour, Reallymiserable could possibly be on the slippery slope that can lead to physical violence if she allows herself to be treated as a doormat now.
Hope I am being 'ridiculous' and that this man is actually a wonderful husband and father.

Cab, if you are right that "this is not a one off and that he is generally a selfish git who is prone to verbal abuse and emotional blackmail", then I absolutely agree with you.