Hi there, I posted back in September about my toxic relationship with my husband, father of our daughter aged 12. I got some really helpful responses at the time which helped me end the marriage.
Having made the decision to leave and instigate divorce on grounds of his unreasonable behaviour towards me (which he has accepted and signed the divorce papers), I am now 3 months into this process and feeling all kinds of anxiety about the future. On the surface I look like I'm doing well: I'm back at work, doing fitness classes 3x per week, looking after myself and my daughter etc. Spending quality time with her and with friends and family. Underneath I feel so lost and low. Getting up is a struggle daily because I feel so distressed on waking up. I do get up and face each day for my daughter's and my own sake but it's hard. I'm in process of selling my house, splitting equity and buying a new smaller house for me and my daughter.
I have medication from my Gp and also therapy - I just feel like these emotions will never go away. I used to feel confident but that has all gone from me (happened slowly through the course of my 10 year marriage). One of the worst things is we are having to share the family home until I've sold it so we can afford to live separately. It's not been feasible financially without releasing equity from the house. We have been civil in front of our daughter but the atmosphere is not friendly between us.
he treats me like a stranger/business partner and has never shown any upset that our 13 year relationship has ended. I know it should not matter to me what he thinks/feels etc but the proximity makes this harder to achieve.
I know I've taken good decisive action but wondering if anyone who has gone through something like this has any further advice? How long does it take to turn the corner and feel better? Also, has anyone else felt scared of being alone despite knowing that it's the better option than being in an unhappy marriage?
Whatever I do, I always wake with a dread of the future and the day. I never used to feel like this and wonder how much is due to the distress I felt the last 3 years in my marriage and I really hope this will not go on through the rest of my life.