We live in a small rural community and have shared interests with people who are not close friends. Last month I found out a Couple I had dealings with had separated but appeared to be handling things on good terms.
He had very little furniture (I know his landlady) so he came around to pick up some spares we have. I planned to sort through storage to get out more for him later this month.
There have been a couple of times he has messaged me updates, to wish me a merry xmas or the like. Part of one conversation was that he had made a mistake that caused the separation. Didn't expand on that further...
Earlier this week he messaged late at night to ask if he could come around. Up until now, DH has had little to do with him apart from helping me get stuff out of storage however we both felt maybe he needed someone to talk to.
The man who turned up was barely recognizable. Lost a lot of weight, doesn't appear to be employed (not sure when that happened), is hurt, upset, and angry.
The wife had filed an emergency application to cease the 50/50 agreed custody of their children to a limited once-a-week supervised visit at an independent location. The police have visited his rental when he wasn't there (no one knows why) and its fair to say, things have seriously deteriorated for him.
While here, the fellow was agitated by the goings-on, and he said stuff along the lines that he intended to see the children despite any order, things weren't going to happen financially how she thoughts etc.
You can probably fill in the conversation by yourself.
He then started to get texts and his focus changed to those and his mood lifted. Apparently, in this wee time frame, he has met someone else. (could this be the one mistake, I wondered?).
As it was becoming very late, we made noises of having had a big day, and he was ready to leave. DH waited at our gate while Fellow starts reading more texts in the car... however he wants us to provide a character reference for him should he go to Court re the children and is also afraid of what is being spread about in the community (I haven't heard anything but don't have children at school to hear that sort of stuff).
I'm aware he is under a lot of pressure and don't want to be the tipping point of him doing something silly. He loves his children and we both have known people who have taken their own lives when times like these have just become too hard.
Would you write a reference and if not, how would you get out of it?
Out of the two of us, I'm really the only one who has had most dealings, but they have been brief. I don't know what to say.