DH stayed with female work colleague instead of hotel…

[ReeceWitherfork]

Opinions please….
This was over 5 years ago, but is relevant now as I’m fairly sure I’m leaving him.
DH was working away at the time and was normally staying in a hotel during the week and coming home at weekend. I was suspicious of him as he was always on his phone and it was glued to him. I managed to view his texts and there were flirty texts with female work colleague. Nothing though that confirmed anything had physically happened. But to my shock, discovered he had stayed with her in company flat instead of hotel for a couple of weeks. I confronted him, he was mad about me checking his phone and not trusting him. He said it was a 2 bedroom apartment, there was nothing going on. I’m not sure I really believed him at the time but I think I didn’t want to admit my gut instinct and so I accepted what he said. I was not working at the time and our DC was young (8).
However, since then, and due to his ED issues we are in a sexless marriage, this was another reason I was suspicious of him all those years ago.
Was I stupid to believe him? I think I’ve been a bit of a mug all these years.

If he didn’t tell you about the flat at the time and implied he was in a hotel instead then I would have to say something probably happened between them, otherwise why lie?

Reece, your H’s secretive behavior justified your investigation. He was absolutely up to no good with this OW: dodgy phone behavior, flirty messages, misleading you about his accommodations when he was 1:1 with her for 2 weeks. This was infidelity and disloyalty.

I’ve seen some of your other recent threads and comments. He refuses to seek couples counseling or to see his doctor about his ED and snoring. He stares at screens in his spare time and barely notices you. He is thoughtless, selfish, and views you as his maid. He employs manipulative deflection, and he hides money from you. You’ve lamented your son’s exposure to this misogyny and unhealthy relationship model.

It sounds like your H was emotionally and physically unfaithful. What is certain is that you are leading a diminished life which your child is absorbing as normal. You need to use your agency to make changes.

What’s the 10% keeping you there?

Once the trust has gone, what's the point? What happened in that flat is irrelevant: you know he lied to you.

Hope you find the strength to start living your own life free from continually questioning this event.

It’s pretty obvious he cheated, not sure why pp are making out otherwise.
Flirty texts, not telling you where he stayed, 2 weeks with someone he was flirting with.

Plus all the deflection back to you when questioned !

I have done myself and known others that have done very considerable business trips away from home, but have never come across a male and female colleague sharing an apartment. It is not something I can ever imagine anyone agreeing to. In my opinion, there was definitely something going on, particularly with the evidence of flirty texts.

I worked for a company that had apartments as an option when travelling to HQ in the US. In general people would prefer the apartment option for longer visits, shorter trips always hotel was best.

Sharing apartments was mostly done on same gender basis. Opposite gender sharing was considered a sign that something was happening with the couple, or at least one of the people wanted or hoped for something to happen