New start, but how?

[Actionparalysis]

I think my 20 year relationship has finally run its course. I'd have to leave our jointly owned home but I have no idea what to do about that (we are not married) or where to move to. We have separate finances so that's something but there will certainly be an argument over my share of the house. DP is volatile at the best of times. I'll talk to a solicitor next week but how on earth do I decide where to move to? I have savings so I do have options. No dc involved, just me. Feel so sad even though he is an arse, we used to have a great life. I've got no idea where to start.

It's horrible isn't it dane8? I have to leave because he won't, and even if I wanted to buy him out (I don't) I couldn't afford to.

What helps is start planing what you want your life to be after the split and start building the foundations of that. In my case I concentrated on building strong support networks and increasing financial independence so it was a less bumpy ride when things came to an end.

I fought for the former marital home as being valued at less than 50% of our assets I thought I had a good chance to keep it, thankfully someone pointed out to me that it was important to check whether I could afford to take on the mortgage if I won. Having said that, I only fought for it for the sake of my son who was young and had had already too many changes, at my age I would have asked for the house to be sold so I could start afresh somewhere else in a smaller house in an area that met my own requirements/preferences/needs better.

One thing to bear in mind if you are over 60 would be whether you will be able to find a mortgage that you can afford being so near to retirement. So I suggest you book an appointment with an independent mortgage advisor BEFORE you embark on a battle to stay in the house (if that is what you want).

Everything starts with a dream, dream free and wisely what you want your new life to be, so you have an idea of what is important to you as that will give you the strength and direction you need to rebuild your life into something better.

Thank you grandmascat, inspiring words. 60 is a long way off, but all the more reason to get out now while I still have many working years left. DP goes through love/hate cycles with me and it's just exhausting.