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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can everyone imagine the future?

2 replies

MulchSqulch · 02/01/2022 19:02

I feel like DH and I are really close to separating and am trying various relationship exercises to try to reconnect. We've just ended up in an argument over dreaming about the future, apparently he doesn't do it. He doesn't think about the future he has no dreams, goals or plans and can't imagine it and can't even understand what I mean. The exercise was to consider what shared dreams and goals we can work towards together are. I suggested starting with the big, no limits dreams first, just where you'd like to be in life if there were no limits. He doesn't understand, there are always limits. Ok, imagine you won the lottery, what would you do? Go and see an accountant. Yes but after that. I couldn't possibly say it would depend on what my accountants advice is, perhaps it would be to put the money into a particular account how could I guess what that is? I'm sorry to say at this point I lost my temper. He says I'm refusing to see his point of view as someone who can't imagine the future just because I'm 'unhealthily fixated' on the future. Am I failing to see his perspective? I cannot understand how someone can live without looking at least a small way into the future but then I have spent our relationship being the one who plans the holidays, events, Christmas, decor, where we live, etc. Is it a personality type? I'm realizing that what I thought were shared dreams are just my dreams he went along with. Or is it because we're not getting along and it's more like a creative block, he can't imagine a future with me in it, or doesn't want to think about it because he's not feeling positive?

OP posts:
2022beesknees · 02/01/2022 19:12

My first thought was that he is not describing the future because part of him wonders about a future without you in it.

I remember when I was asked by a psychotherapist where I saw myself in five years time, I answered immediately, I saw myself alone, and I described the location I would be in and what I would be doing. Yet I was in a relationship at the time. Had my partner at the time asked me to describe the future in five years' time, my answer would have been less authentic.

MulchSqulch · 02/01/2022 19:44

Yes I think you're probably right. I don't think me and the kids are in his ideal future, but I wish he would just say that.

OP posts:
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