Help stop creating scenarios

[starsstars123]

I miss my ex so much. It all ended so badly and we haven't spoken in nearly 8 months now but I still can't stop thinking about him.

We never lived together and we don't have any kids etc but I still think and create scenarios in my head about us getting back together and other things :(

How can I stop? I'm making myself ill thinking about it and I'm actually quite pathetic as it's more than over

You’re not pathetic but you are letting yourself stay stuck. Distract yourself with things that make you feel good. Punishing yourself with negative self talk isn’t productive.

You deserve to be happy so nurture yourself and try to let go.

In what way are you making yourself ill?

Can you work extra hours? Take up running? Knitting? Volunteering?
I am wondering if you have too much time on your hands, letting the fantasy world take over.
You say it ended badly. So you both need to heal.
Are you on social media looking at him? That would not be helpful.
Any reminders laying around? Mementos, photos, gifts etc that you could box away and tape up(for now while it is still raw)
Delete his phone number and messages?

What baby step would you be prepared to take first?

Has he moved on ? Is he shagging someone else ?

It sounds like you are suffering from intrusive thoughts. Do you find you try to stop thinking about him but your thoughts keep returning to the same subject/scenarios?

You might find this book helpful - CBT can be really good for managing intrusive thoughts.
CBT For Dummies

Don't be put off by the title! Dummies is just a brand, it's a really good book.

@GoodnightGrandma

Has he moved on ? Is he shagging someone else ?

Yes he's got a new girlfriends

@AnneLovesGilbert

You’re not pathetic but you are letting yourself stay stuck. Distract yourself with things that make you feel good. Punishing yourself with negative self talk isn’t productive.

You deserve to be happy so nurture yourself and try to let go.

Thank you! Yes I need to distract myself but not sure what with! I let my mind get carried away and like you said I'm stuck in the past and can't move forward

Close your eyes, envision meeting up with him, tell him thanks for the lovely times but you need him to go now so you can get on with your life, walk him to the front door and lead him into a rocket into outer space, watch it take off to a distant galaxy. Rinse, repeat. And then open your eyes and get back into a new or existing hobby.

Lemon I love that idea!

Op I was very much stuck same as you .
I have allowed myself to stagnate for 2.5 years.

On NYE I went out on a blind date thinking what the hell have I got to loose ?

I'd had dates before but wasn't ready to be open enough to allow anyone else in- I was still pining .

I had the best time on NYE - we hit it off . We are making plans for a
Second date . (In fact we spent the following day together too so this would be a third date !)

My advice - it gets easier with time . But do t waste years like I did . Do what you need to do to pamper yourself- for me it was sleep. Rest.
Finally I feel able to look forward.
Good luck.