DH drugs, want out

[LawnFever]

I’m done with DH, after years of supporting him with anxiety/depression and him spending weekends of time shut away it turns out these ‘episodes’ are actually fuelled by taking drugs, which in turn cause the anxiety attacks.

He’s lied and covered his tracks for years and I’ve uncovered it all and I’m through with it, I can’t even look at him, it’s utterly pathetic.

We have no kids, I want to sell the house, take my share & go, I don’t think he’ll try and save this, there’s nothing to save.

We were supposed to be going through the adoption process, after years of infertility and failed ivf - I guess the only positive is there’s no child to drag through this situation.

He’s also in the past smashed windows in the house, and once smashed the oven door - but this was over a year ago so I think stupidly I’ve just put up with this shit for too long to bring this up in a divorce.

Do I need to apply for a divorce first before we sell the house?

The house/mortgage is in shared names but we bought it using the equity from a house I originally owned (completely stupid on my behalf really but there you go).

If I get legal advice could I claim more of the house sale because the original house was mine? I’ve also spent £10k on house renovations (a gift from my dad), can I claim anything more in the process of the sale because of that?

I feel so fucking stupid, but I just need to look after myself financially now.

I have a job, not much in savings but I should be able to buy somewhere new on my own, I just want out and away from him.

Can you prove the house deposit came from your previous house sale? If so you may be able to get a bigger share when you sell this house, my ex certainly did. Gather all your paperwork and get some legal advice

I can show that the deposit came from the house sale, and that that house was bought years before we were married and was only in my name.

I can show that the £10k spent on this house has all come from my savings.

I’ll get some legal advice, I don’t see why he should behave like this and be able to walk away with 50/50.

You need to get legal advice asap but any split would start from a position of 50/50 and go from there.
You might stand a chance at more if you can prove the circumstances of your initial deposit.
Money spent on the house whilst you were both in residence I'm afraid would be considered as belonging equally.

Seek advice, you are right to want out.

The divorce is going to be costly. There is no way around that. Some assets will be lost. Meet with a solicitor and get it handled as quickly and efficiently as possible. Start the legal process before you talk to your spouse. You want to be in the same space for as brief a time as possible.

Now the good news. Once I separated from my drug using XH, I was now paying all the bills on our previously shared home myself. I was also still paying some of his bills as the divorce proceeded. Plus I had solicitor fees. I expected my bank account to be dwindling quickly. Yet somehow, the amount kept going up. Over the months that my divorce dragged on (long story) I came to realize that my husband’s drug habit itself may have not been that prolific, but that it still cost money and it somehow came with ancillary spending.

Even if in the short-term the divorce costs you financially, in the long-term, dropping a drug user is the better financial plan.

Get a solicitor as soon as humanly possible, gather any important documents, and if you have shared accounts, pull out your money and open a private account. Get this man out of your life as quickly as you can.

@LawnFever

I can show that the deposit came from the house sale, and that that house was bought years before we were married and was only in my name.

I can show that the £10k spent on this house has all come from my savings.

I’ll get some legal advice, I don’t see why he should behave like this and be able to walk away with 50/50.

See a solicitor. Have all this info with you. I think you’ll probably be able to deduct deposit plus £10k improvements from sale and split the rest 50/50. A good solicitor will get you what’s yours but watch the l3gal fees carefully. Good luck.

Good for you for making a stand. It’s good to get out of this. Stay strong and push through the house sale as quickly as possible. You’re now free. You can go wherever you want now. Your life starts here

If divorce comes after a short marriage (e.g. less than five years) and there are no children, then the courts would decide upon a split of assets that generally restores each party to the financial situation they were in pre marriage.

However you mention that your marriage has been years, how many is that? The more years it has been the nearer towards 50:50 the split of assets would be.

@Aprilx we’ve been married for 10 years, tbh if I just get shot of him and that means 50/50 so be it.

I won’t be out on the streets, I’d rather just start again than put up with all this shit.

My friend has a good solicitor, I’m getting their details.