New to OLD. Should I be upfront about having children?

[emilynotinparis]

I'm 34, two young preschool aged DC, and I'm separated.

I'd like to start dipping my toe back in to the dating pool.

How upfront should I be about having DC? Do I put it in my intro (fear I'll put a lot of men off from the get-go)? Or do I raise it after chatting to a guy for a bit?

Plenty of time to tell someone who you have dated and gotten to know a bit better irl that you have children and see where it goes from there.

When, second date, third date??

I put it on my profile that I had an adult son and wasn't interested in having more babies - it helps people to be upfront. The chap I'm dating was open about his kids as well. It has gone so well, we have met up and have agreed to try a relationship. Wouldn't have happened without the upfront openness I don't think.

@AdriannaP

I would be worried about attracting men who target women with young children.

This was my thought too.

I've been on line dating on and off for 3 years. I've always said I've got kids. I'm nearly 50 it would be unusual if I didn't have kids. But give no details of age or gender.

Yes the world is full of odd balls you will come across many. Young men who want a bunk up. Other who want you to watch them masturbate, ask you to describe your nipples blah blah blah. I've yet to have anyone ask more details about my kids. Other than their age

I'm sure you are more than capable to safe guard your children. If you meet anyone you like date them away from home obviously etc etc.

You need a very thick skin for on line dating. Most of the men I have chatted too are just after one thing. I have met three lovely men who i dates for a few months but it didn't worked out. They never crossed by front door. Or met my kids.

Good luck with your next chapter. Have fun and don't take it too seriously.

Frankly OP, if they will be put off by it being in your profile, what makes you think they won't ghost you as soon as they find out anyway? Be upfront, it's a little naive to believe that people who don't want to get involved with someone who has young kids, will magically be be ok with it when they get to know you.

The fact is kids (especially young ones) create a different dynamic - you have a lot less freedom, plans will inevitably fall through last minute (sickness/childcare issues/just being too knackered/EXH being a dick and letting the kids down), everything is dictated by their schedules. If someone doesn't want to get involved in all that, a couple of dates is unlikely to change their mind

Whilst I can understand not putting it on your profile, you need to mention it when you are first messaging and definitely before meeting

Yes I mention on my profile I have children, I rather be upfront than waste someone's time that doesn't want someone with children.
The dates are never going to meet my children unless I decide it's a trustworthy relationship much further down the line. So I'm not too worried about weirdos after my children, they won't get far, even just dating I don't mention schools or show any photos of them, i'm not on social media so they can't stalk if they tried.

All online dating asks if you have children. It would be strange to say ‘no’ if you have!!!! That said, you don’t need to elucidate any further, E.g. “my kids are my world”, etc

Ps when you see that ludicrous phrase on OLD is it just me or do you think ‘yh, ‘I’m “all that” and very lazy, self-indulgent parenting most likely ’!

Yes. Put it in your profile as it is an important part of your life.

@RedWingBoots

Don't put it in your profile as you will attract paedos and other weirdos who think you should be grateful for a sex.

Do mention it immediately when you start messaging and definitely before you arrange to meet up with a man. A lot will then then make excuses to not to meet especially as you aren't also divorced.

Yes this. Please don’t put it in your profile, just mention it early on in conversation. It might waste a bit more of your time but won’t attract paedos… it’s more common than you might think

Please don't put it in your profile. Mention it very early on, but putting in your profile you're just making a beacon for paedophiles.

Sorry you have to be so careful but I'd rather be cautious than risk the opposite happening.