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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Chronic illness and relationships

6 replies

Oliveoil26 · 01/01/2022 23:51

Does anyone else have a chronic illness with pain and in a loving relationship but constantly feeling like your a pain to them or annoying? I’ve got bad endometriosis in daily pain worse around my period and chronic fatigue. I’ve coped on my own for a long time but since being with him he can be a massive help eg grabbing my sick bucket filling my hot water bottle and picking me up from work when I can’t manage the 40 minutes walk. He does these things and more all with out asking he’s also listened to me cry in pain while rubbing my back. I feel like I hold him back with things we do worry I’m annoying him he says the complete opposite but I’m often holding back the level of pain I’m in so he dosnt feel he needs to help. Today we had to cut a walk short and last week I was sick in a hedge on a cycle ride. I’m also doing lots of stuff to help seeing doctors constantly paying for private specialist if I hear or see something that might help I try it.

OP posts:
Oliveoil26 · 01/01/2022 23:56

I also work part time because of it but I do all the house work and cooking when I can which is often as I find cooking therapeutic and a hobby but I wish I could work more money isn’t an issue we both have our own places and mine is mortgage free and he’s kept his and uses it to pay his mortgage. but working part time gets me down and makes me feel not as useful. He says he’s happy for me to work part time and he’s happy to find the extras if we need them with his wage he just wants me to be able to have some good days during the week and not be burnt out

OP posts:
Oliveoil26 · 01/01/2022 23:57

I’m going through a very low patch at the moment and just feeling like a burden for the future to him

OP posts:
RalphLaurenG · 02/01/2022 00:00

I'm no expert, but take your lead from him I would.

Be open about your feelings, have a frank conversation and take away with you the result of it.

You don't need to be second guessing him all the time.

Oliveoil26 · 02/01/2022 01:03

We have spoken but he reassures me but it’s hard to believe I’ve not got great confidence which I don’t think helps

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 02/01/2022 01:12

Some people just like to be needed. If you were completely healthy, maybe he wouldn't have that need fulfilled?

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 02/01/2022 01:16

DH and I married when I was fit and well. He's a good man and he's taken my disability and chronic illness in his stride. They do exist.

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