Hand hold / venting

[newyearmaybenewme]

I have been in my relationship for 5 years and we have one DC together. I just want a fresh start and I’m not sure if this involves DP or not.

There’s a lot more history to all of this but I’ll keep it short…

DP displays a lot of odd behaviours, most recently, DC stayed with family and DP choose to sleep in our spare room - I haven’t questioned him on this choice as I feel like I’m just getting used to him becoming a lodger in our home.

He also likes to go in silent moods, for example last year a close family member of his passed and he was in one of these moods so we didn’t speak for a week. In this time the family member had passed but he assumed that I’d have seen it on Facebook so didn’t tell me.

DP works full time and I work PT, however, I take on the majority of household chores, child care, I contribute more than my fair share (If I compared both our earnings, it’s not split 50/50 in that sense) and I also carry the emotional load of all of this.

I’ve been feeling really down about everything and just want to get back to my happy bubbly self, be the best mum for DC and enjoy life again but I feel like he doesn’t nothing to support me - I’m at the point I’ve stopped trying so I guess, in his defence, why would he try?

Im fully aware I should have this conversation with him and decide where we want to go with it but im nervous about how he’ll react. But I can’t keep going like this.

Not sure what im looking for here - just needed to offload a bit.

That's no way to live OP. Does the silent treatment extend to your child?
I note you say he "likes" to go into these moods - that's very perceptive of you - he's evidently getting something out of it.
Do you have any happy times?
Can you move to full time work in preparation for a split? You would have to step back from wife work and the mental load where it pertains solely to his benefit.

OP what do you like or love about him?

Yes, the silent treatment can extend to DC. I’m not sure if it’s towards him too or just because he mainly sits with me.
He’s more than likely struggling to communicate his frustrations like an adult but this could be related back to his childhood.

At the moment, I’m struggling to remember what brought us together in the first place. Does that make me sound horrible?

You don't sound horrible. You sound human! How do you think he might react if you tell him you're ending the relationship?

I feel like he’s be shocked - which would be fair as I’ve turned to copying his behaviours and bottle it all up - however, we very rarely do things together, he’s admitted in the past he could do more in the house but that lasts a few days… and we haven’t been intimate in around a year.

I wonder if he feels the same or is just completely blind to all this. We’re early 30s so surely this isn’t how the next 40+ years are meant to be. Fully aware he is the only one who can give me answers, I’m just so nervous about the conversation. I was so close to it last year and for about a week my heart felt like it was about to explode out of my chest.

Maybe he wouldn't be as shocked as you think?

Isn't the very best thing to create a situation where YOU are happy?

Sometimes I think he’d be relieved I brought all of this up.

Ultimately my goal this year is to put myself first. I think it’s a bite the bullet conversation.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Do you think DP could be depressed? Especially if the silent moods come and go. I know personally I am not a talker at all, least of all with my DP, not because he doesn't listen or understand, just because I find it hard to be honest about my feelings. Could this be a factor perhaps? The last two years have been a nightmare by anyones standards, I know so many previously happy and positive people just reduced to a shell of their former shells recently 🤷🏼‍♀️

Former selves even*

@Noonoo88 this his been said to me before and I feel he could be, but masks it. I also doubt he would consider any help for this either.