Reasons for being needy/needing more attention in a normally happy relationship

[HappyNeedyHuman]

So I am looking for reasons for being needy/needing more attention in a normally happy relationship...?
Or perhaps more so, how can I see my relationship differently and be more accepting with not much in the way of words of reassurance that partner is happy too and loves me. As he says he is when I ask, but feel I have to ask a number of times before getting much from him, which makes me needy and miserable and unattractive.

After any thoughts please?

Many thanks

Are you on the pill? I was like this with boyfriends when I was on the pill. Coming off it was a game changer. It was making me insecure and paranoid. Or is there something in your past that's making you feel that you don't deserve love?

I have a friend who is a little bit like this but she has been treated badly in the past. Was your childhood happy and secure? I'm not an expert but sometimes I think that can affect how you feel about relationships.

Not on the pill and nothing to make any obvious hormone changes.
I wonder if it’s because I feel so in love (never felt like this about any past relationships) I’m scared he doesn’t feel the same way or will change his mind.

Happy childhood. But terrible previous relationship where I still have to have some due to him being the father of my children.

Have you thought about your attachment styles? Have a google but it could be that you have a preoccupied-anxious attachment and your partner has an avoidant attachment; there are two avoidant types - fearful and dismissive. The result of these two attachment styles coming together in a relationship can become like a push/pull dance, with the anxious attached person seeking affection and reassurance which causes the avoidant partner to repel. This triggers yet more anxiety in the anxious attached. So you get this almost impossible cycle. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you or your partner. There’s nothing bad about needing physical affection or love from our partners. But people express love and affection differently and need to receive it in different ways too.

Philly1234 I’ve just been reading up on those as it happens. Going to work on being less needy and building my knowledge on attachment styles and self-reliance.

Thank you

I have an anxious avoidant attachment style and my DH without doubt is a dismissive avoidant. It’s really tough at times.

Sorry I have a preoccupied anxious attachment style

He says he loves when you ask but aside from words do you feel loved, respected, valued etc? Does he do things that shows he loves you without words?

He does.
I do feel loved more often than not. And think the moments I’m not is me overthinking or worrying something is wrong when it isn’t.

Thank you all for your comments. We have had a chat about it today and feeling positive.

How long have you been together?