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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend doesn't want to introduce his kids?

8 replies

PetsL · 01/01/2022 21:57

I've been seeing my boyfriend for nearly 2 years, met on OLD. We each have 2 kids, we live about 45 minutes from each other.

Relationship generally good and he seems keen to see me more (usually a couple of nights a week atm as we both have work or kids on other days).

He's met my dc several times, each time for a couple of hours on a Saturday, they like him but just see him as a friend of mine. I first introduced them a few months ago, he seemed to want to although neither of us actively pursued it iyswim.

It surprised me that he didn't reciprocate by suggesting I meet his kids, but I told him he should do it when he felt ready (whilst simultaneously deciding to minimise him meeting mine). At Xmas he saw my kids, gave them presents. However, still no invitation to meet his.

He's definitely divorced etc. His ex wife can be quite argumentative although she knows about me allegedly. I'm starting to feel this is a huge red flag - he's been happy to meet my kids and plan a future with me whilst never 'committing' to involve his. His dc are mid teens, so perhaps they aren't interested in me (my kids are primary age). But surely an afternoon meet up would be reasonable at this point?

I've been tolerant because I felt that if I showed commitment then he would feel confident to reciprocate, however after several months I now feel like I need to tell him no more seeing my kids until he's ready to introduce his (he doesnt see mine often, so unlikely to be an issue).

Is he being unfair?

OP posts:
WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 01/01/2022 22:12

I suppose if they are mid teens they may have expressed that it’s not something they want to do?

PetsL · 01/01/2022 22:22

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe I do wonder if that's the case. I feel that he should have been up front about this though, he's discussed me meeting them but never sets a date. Yet he's planning more commitment allegedly...

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 01/01/2022 22:29

Got to admit my teen and preteen are not mad keen on meeting dad's latest girlfriend I'm sure she is very nice but his last one had mental health issues which was an issue together they were toxic together he has a history of toxic behaviour and relationships the kids are simply not interested in going through it all again

So just to put it in perspective it's not you it might not be her it could be him

PetsL · 01/01/2022 22:39

@Theunamedcat thanks that makes sense, so perhaps he's just feeling a bit awkward that he doesn't really see where I fit in with his teens. Whereas my kids are young enough that we can go to the park a couple of hours etc. Maybe his kids spend their time on computer games in their rooms...

OP posts:
OrlandointheWilderness · 01/01/2022 22:42

It is difficult isn't it. I've only been with my bf for 6 months, we both have 10 year olds. He's met mine for a couple of hours but I haven't met his with no plans too. My view is we've both had relationships with controlling people before and I am certainly in no rush to integrate him into my child's life. I love him and think highly of him, to the point I think he will be in my life for many years hopefully, in which case I'd rather take my time.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 01/01/2022 22:44

When I met dh he kept me from meeting his dm for over a year. It was for the best ime!!
Maybe his dc are at a bloody awful age!!

dopple · 01/01/2022 22:45

Help him set that date, invite them over for a Sunday lunch or suggest you go out for a meal.

Redwinestillfine · 01/01/2022 22:45

No he is being se nsible and not getting the kids involved until he is ready to commit

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