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Original poster

So upset with my family

12 replies

Rosebel · 01/01/2022 21:21

Usually on NYD my husband and I host lunch for family. This year for various reasons we couldn't so my sister and BIL said they'd host instead.
They asked us round for 11:30 and we were about 10 minutes late. BIL had already been drinking and made a comment about it being nice of us to bother turning up.
The rest of the day was okay until about 4. I said we'd be leaving soon and my sister got stroppy and said she wanted us to stay a bit longer.
I wasn't really keen as it's quite full on at her house and our son was getting grizzly but agreed to stay for an hour.
When we left at 5 BIL accused me of breaking up the party early and now probably everyone would leave. I pointed out that they never stay as long as this at our house. BIL said that was because we were shit hosts and they were never made to feel welcome. I really don't think that's the case and by this stage he was really drunk.
We came home. Received a text from my dad saying I had upset my sister by leaving so abruptly (?) and he thought I should apologise
which I ignored. DH has got at least one nasty text of BIL but has switched his phone off.
I'm so upset and feel it's really put a dampener on the start of a new year. I don't see what I should apologise for but my dad will always take my sisters side.
I just don't know what to do from here. Wish we hadn't gone.

OP posts:
CagneyNYPD1 · 01/01/2022 21:28

Your BiL had been obviously drinking before mid day. He was nasty to your face and then to your DH over the phone. If I was your sister, I would be wanting people to stay with me too.

You were right to remove your dc from the situation. But I would go easy on my sister if I were you.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 01/01/2022 21:36

BIL is a nasty drunk. Nasty drunks always ruin social events and their enablers, who run around afterwards guilt tripping everyone into pretending the nasty drunk didn't ruin the event, are equally annoying IMO.

Poor you. You were gracious in staying longer than you wanted and he still went for you.

Horrible.

LawnFever · 01/01/2022 21:39

Wow poor you, is BIL usually a nasty drunk? Ignore the bloody lot of them, they’ve been awful.

Brigante9 · 01/01/2022 21:45

Leave it a few days and then speak to your sister. Remind her she never stays longer than 4 hours (or however long) and your bil appeared drunk and was rude and insulting. Was he still pissed from the night before?

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/01/2022 22:30

BIL was drinking while we were there and he usually does drink but has never been as bad as he was today. I did wonder if they don't stay long at ours as my sister is embarrassed by the way he behaves when drunk.
I don't know what was in the text as my husband deleted it and won't tell me what it said so clearly something nasty.
I think my dad's message was the most upsetting as he knew we stayed longer than planned and it makes me feel like it's my fault m
I will leave things for now as I think until the dust settles anything I say will make things worse.

OP posts:
flowersforbrains · 01/01/2022 22:38

Rise above it and let them come to you. Silence conveys a stronger message than lots of talk.

Your BIL was incredibly rude. It would be the last time he was invited after those comments. I would imagine your sister is very embarassed. Is he usually a twat?

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/01/2022 22:46

No he's usually okay but can't handle his drink yet continues to drink.
I love my sister and would hate this to come between us but I really feel like I don't want to see BIL again, especially if there's a chance he's been drinking.

OP posts:
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 01/01/2022 22:54

@flowersforbrains

Rise above it and let them come to you. Silence conveys a stronger message than lots of talk.

Your BIL was incredibly rude. It would be the last time he was invited after those comments. I would imagine your sister is very embarassed. Is he usually a twat?

Agree with this. Say nothing and don't make contact for a bit. That sends its own message.

Would you normally meet up with your sister just you and her at all? Or is BIL always there?

Original poster
Rosebel · 01/01/2022 23:17

We usually meet up once a fortnight for lunch just the two of us but that hasn't happened for a while with Covid and everything. I generally only see DN when he is there though and obviously I still want to see her.
I'm not angry with my sister I'm just furious with her husband and hurt by my dad.

OP posts:
moremoony · 02/01/2022 07:03

I’d go silent. Don’t respond to anything. Don’t initiate contact. Silence speaks volumes

Youngstreet · 02/01/2022 07:37

Your dad’s out of order but perhaps he’s deflecting because he can see that your dsis has a horrible dh and you are in a stable and happy relationship. It doesn’t make it right but if your dsis has to take flak from her drunken pig of a husband then your dad may be trying to protect her.

Holly60 · 02/01/2022 08:12

@Youngstreet

Your dad’s out of order but perhaps he’s deflecting because he can see that your dsis has a horrible dh and you are in a stable and happy relationship. It doesn’t make it right but if your dsis has to take flak from her drunken pig of a husband then your dad may be trying to protect her.
This is absolutely what I was going to say. He can see one daughter really hurting and wants the other one to help him make her feel better. Not right but sort of understandable.

Your DH does sound lovely.

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