Contact centre/abusive ex advice

[Nivealove]

Hello all,

My DC's father assaulted me three years ago and due to court and injunctions, he has not seen his DC for the past three years.

Anyhow, I recently received a letter from his solicitor requesting visitation with his DC. I don't know what's the best course of action. DC would like to see him (his 12) and I'm not oppose to it. But don't know what I should do? Should I contact Cafcass? Should I arrange for supervised visits- it's just that supervised visits at a Contact Centre my DS would be bored stiff and I don't think he would like it.

Any ideas? I was thinking of using a Contact Centre as a drop off point, where I drop DC there at a certain time and he does the same etc- so there's no conflict between us. What do you guys think?

Bump?

My first thought if you can is try to overlook why you split and your feelings about your ex and take a realistic look at the benefits and losses to your child. Is there a safety risk to DS? Is it really necessary that contact should be supervised in a contact centre? I get you will be very apprehensive about this but your child will obvious see things differently and may benefit from a more relaxed relationship which isn't under the intense scrutiny of supervisors. Weigh up the pros and cons. Initially perhaps look at carefully arranged meets but go into it at a pace your child is comfortable with. We've all had bastardy exes but all too often allow that to cloud their children's relationships with absent parents.

Thank you @Calamitydrayne

I am being apprehensive due to not being able to co parent effectively with ex in the past. I don't know how it would be like now?

I thought that I could use a contact centre as a dropping point. Where I drop DC too, he meets DC there at an agreed time and then he goes takes him out un supervised and bring him back to the dropping centre at an agreed time for me to pick him
Up. If that goes well, then I would feel confident in myself to drop off DS to him and collect him myself. I could ask a family member to do the drop off and collection but I know that this may compromise their ability to do this consistently.

@Calamitydrayne I’m not sure what you said necessarily applies here given there is a history of assault. It’s not the same as falling out over money etc

You could also use a local child minder. You drop the child there and he obviously collects and then drops the child back to the minder .

There is no way on this earth that I would let a child of mine be with a man (unsupervised) who had previously shown himself to be capable of violence.
Use a contact centre. See how things go - and give it time. If he's serious about seeing your DC he will comply.
If he doesn't or your DC changes their mind, you are then in a position to support your child in saying no to further contact.

Personally I would tell ds when he is 16 he is free to make that decision... He is a violent man. Df or not...

I think at 12 your kid is old enough to to tell that their father is a violent man and thinks its OK to hit women and rhat whilst I understand the desire to have a father in our lives, we need to think very carefully about the sort of people we surround ourselves with.

No way would I want my kid left alone with an abuser if it could be at all avoided.

The issue I have is that this will go all the way to court, which I do not want. My DC has expressed that he would like to see him and during he last three/four years, DC's dad has and is currently going though counselling, DV classes etc- because DC's needs and his a teen, I don't know if a contact centre would work or if he could be chaperoned someone how. Anyway, I will speak to CAFCAS and a domestic violence solicitor for my advice.