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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I on a rebound?

14 replies

Heroic · 01/01/2022 14:00

You may have seen my previous thread about my recent parental alienation and narcissistic/toxic marriage. After many years of projected accusations, physical/emotional/verbal abuse. I still have yet to see my daughter....it has been several weeks now. Which has been heartbreaking, I have not been sleeping or eating.

To cut a long story short, I have met someone. At first I thought fuck my ex and this is a two fingers up to him. All of my close friends have said that life is too short and I should just enjoy my life, along with my counseller. So, Initially we were on the phone for hours and struck a cord. Then we were supposed to meet up for coffee.

With the Christmas looming, I must admit I did not want to be lonely. The man in question has been single for 2 years and separated from a 20 year relationship. From also a narcissistic relationship with kids.

So, we have spent several days together (including xmas and nye) and he has been driving 160 mile trips to see me. Coffee became dinner, shopping trips... I have been wined and dined, taken out and all jobs in my home have been done. (Which my ex did not complete)

He is such a lovely person and so open and caring that it all feels bizarre. Very easy going and we have a lot in common. He has has been talking about relocating in 6 months so that he can be closer to me. Which was a big wow!!! Within the past several days, I have been sleeping and eating.

He has officially asked me to be his girlfriend...

My walls are bit up as I am worried about being hurt.....

Reality will set back in as we go back to work on Monday. I certainly wonder if this is all a whirlwind?

I dunno just thought I would put this out there.... what do you think?

OP posts:
Shitonthebloodything · 01/01/2022 17:02

I would slow everything right down. This could be mr perfect or it could be mr nutcase love bombing a vulnerable woman.

Please be very careful.

NotaCoolMum · 01/01/2022 17:58

How long ago did you meet him? I’d be wary of anyone I’d just met discussing relocating his life to be with me in 6 months time.

BrilliantBetty · 01/01/2022 18:05

Love bomb. Watch out.

Heroic · 02/01/2022 02:32

@Shitonthebloodything Thank you. I have not heard of the term love bomb. But will look into it

OP posts:
Heroic · 02/01/2022 02:35

I have just looked this up @BrilliantBetty
This is not what he is. I never heard of this term before but do not believe that is how he is. As he is a lovely person and not controlling...

OP posts:
Pangolin44 · 02/01/2022 02:47

That all sounds very bad.

Do not get into a relationship with this person.

Pangolin44 · 02/01/2022 02:51

You've met a random on the Internet, spent Christmas with him and now he's talking about moving in together.

Just read that back.

Does that sound ok?

No it doesn't.

Don't put yourself in that situation.

Mermaidwaves · 02/01/2022 10:38

A lot of men are lovely when you first meet them, especially abusers of the worst kind. You mention he was in a narcissistic relationship? Is he demonising his ex? You say he's not controlling but you've spent a week together, you don't know him yet.

He might be great but be careful, take it slowly. What's the rush?

PointyMcguire · 02/01/2022 10:46

Agree with others you’d be best to slow this down. That’s not to say it won’t turn into something wonderful, but given your OP you’d be best to protect yourself and take everything with a pinch of salt until you know him better and he’s proven his words match his actions.

Heroic · 02/01/2022 11:04

@PointyMcguire Thank you for your lovely message back. I can assure all that I am protecting myself and being cautious. I just wanted to post about it.

OP posts:
Heroic · 02/01/2022 11:06

@Mermaidwaves It wasn't a rush as such, it was due to time off work really. So the opportunity was there and taken.

OP posts:
Deedee121 · 02/01/2022 11:35

Slow it right down. If he is a nice man he will respect this and you.

Mermaidwaves · 02/01/2022 12:54

@Heroic
Hi OP, no I mean him rushing to relocate nearer to you, I can understand if you both have time off work you'd want to spend it together. It's just very early days for him to be talking about moving house, that's a big life change and it can be a sign of future faking. Enjoy being with him but don't let him set the pace.

Heroic · 02/01/2022 18:10

@Mermaidwaves Thank you lovely. I agree x

OP posts:
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