I have the same recurring doubts every month about my 16month relationship.
It’s nice and I enjoy seeing him when it suits me, that sounds bad but it’s true.
I know I’m not over my divorce 2 years ago and would still get upset thinking about it at times.
My boyfriend is a lovely guy and I am attracted to him and we have fun. But i just don’t think I have it in me to be texting him daily, making plans to see him when my kids are at their dads and just being somewhat responsible for his happiness and feelings.
I have 3 children under 5 and feel fully stretched with looking after them and myself.
I was talking to a friend yesterday who has ended her short relationship and she described it as her heart just not being in it and it honestly was like a lightbulb moment to me as that’s exactly how I feel.
I find myself just wanting to be on my own and not have to consider fitting him in or what he wants to do.
He hasn’t met my children and I really don’t want that. He understands that. A few opportunities over Christmas came up where I could have spent some time with his family and him mine (when kids were away) but I actively avoided that, I just don’t want that level to seriousness.
I have spoken to him about that and he says he is happy with whatever I can offer but I myself am not happy with it. I know I’m not into it in the way I should be or would like to be.
Sorry a long ramble. I did post before and people said just to enjoy it if he’s ok with how it’s going but it causes me a lot of worry because I know how I’m really feeling l. Last time i spoke to him about it he seemed ok and we said we would keep going but a few weeks later he got upset saying it really got him down and he worries about us breaking up.
I think my divorce has messed me up more than I thought (ex husband cheated) but in some ways I like that I am not relying on anyone anymore