Is this normal

[Prawn9910]

Hi all
Is it normal for a man to give his exes family Christmas gifts / still go round there if they have kids together?
My o/h does this and I struggle sometimes that he doesn’t want to let go . Their divorce took 5 years to go through and I worry he never got over her .

How long were they together? I don't think it's abnormal and it's quite nice.

Divorce can be so acrimonious but it's lovely that he still has a relationship with the inlaws, his children's family. Remember, if they were together a long time, they may be like his own family. I would hope if me and DP ever split that he would be kind to my family still as they have done a lot for him.

I don’t think it’s normal to do presents for his ex and his/her family.

@QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat

How long were they together? I don't think it's abnormal and it's quite nice.

Divorce can be so acrimonious but it's lovely that he still has a relationship with the inlaws, his children's family. Remember, if they were together a long time, they may be like his own family. I would hope if me and DP ever split that he would be kind to my family still as they have done a lot for him.

Completely agree.

I think a healthy relationship with their children's family is possible and could involve Christmas gift and visits but it does depend on the details I suppose. Visiting to be there for children opening opening gifts and giving ex and her parents nominal polite gifts such as a bottle of wine or flowers seems fine. Buying them very personal gifts and being part of the whole day and hanging around once children are in bed would be a bit odd.

It’s not uncommon to do this. I do. And I have never had any intention whatsoever of reviving things with XH

I would assume it's mainly for the kids? I think as long as the kids are involved, it's a perfectly nice and acceptable thing to do.

I hate my ex but his family were lovely to me and I still keep in touch with them 20+yrs after our split. I’ve never seen him.

My cousins step kids have never had to choose who to spend christmas with. Their mum, dad and stepdad have always spent the day together. Somehow it works for them all and they all get on.

My ex kept coming round to my family to.give presents after we broke up. It was really weird as we had no kids and when we were together he would buy me a £1 box chocolate and slippers then he would sulk and stomp around the house as he didn't get an Xbox! Weird man.

I think it would depend on the nature of the gifts. If it's food or a bottle of wine as a kind of generic token then I'd day that's different to him spending 5 days finding a beautiful bespoke Xmas present. I'd also say it dependa on his attitude to the rest of gift giving as per my example above, it's weird if they get great gifts and you get a tea towel and a washing up sponge.

My youngest and his wife separated 18 months ago. All my family keep in touch with her, and buy presents for her . We love her so much and cannot my imagine a time when she is not part of our lives..

There was no one else involved , so I guess that makes a difference.

The ex's family is still the children's family. The gifts will be on behalf of them. Its trying to keep the peace for the sake of the children. I get a gift from my dps ex ( the mother of his children). I help with her children so it's just a gesture to say thank you and show the children we are all civil. We also had one of the kids reach a big birthday. They were worries about having a party and thought it'd be strange. It ended up his mum and her new husband, his kids, her mum, her sister and husband, their kids, then child's dad (my dp), me and my son, dps parents, dps sister and husband, their kids, etc. And it made their birthday. They loved the fact their two worlds could meet without issue and mix. Commitment to kids don't just stop at 18. There's birthdays, graduations, weddings, grandkids lots of different family occasions to meet up with. May as well invest a few quid along the way to make it as painless as possible