Hi everyone,
I think it might be over with my boyfriend of 5 years. We had a fight this morning (new years day) about our relationship. We have loved each other dearly for the last few years but things have changed and I think it happened gradually but now we have noticed.
We started dating at 18, we were so young and I wonder if we have grown apart.
Last night my bf made a beautiful dinner, he dressed up, got me flowers, made everything so special. He did all the right things. This morning he got shitty with me because I was on my phone when he was cooking dinner last night and then between the 9pm and midnight fireworks. I was on my phone but he didn't want me near the kitchen and I was reading a book on my phone while he concentrated ( he didnt seem to want to chat). I helped out when he needed it but for the most part he prepared dinner. After dinner I asked if he wanted to watch a movie and we did for a bit but I got the feeling he wasn't into it. We were then both on our phones for a bit. We didn't have sex that night and we usually would, I brought it up when we went to bed and he said he was keen earlier but now just wanted to go to bed.
Fast forward to this morning. We slept in late, had breakfast and were pottering around. At about 11.30 bf said he wanted to go to the beach. I said we could but the closest beach is an hour away and on new years day the traffic and parking would be crazy (we live in australia). Maybe we could go tomorrow early. In hindsight I shouldve sounded more positive but he got really pissed and we didnt speak for an hour. When we did finally talk it was like a can of worms had been opened.
He said that he was shitty about the phone thing from the night before and not going to the beach, and that this was all because I wasnt putting in as much effort into this relationship as him anymore. This year I moved about 50 minutes away for a job (first time out of home) and he is living with his parents. During term ( im a teacher) he is the one who usually drives down to see me and he does so many nice things for me, like nice dinners etc. Over the last year I have had moments where I am not sure if I am attracted to him anymore or haven't wanted to spend time with him. I can go days without seeing or talking to him. My feelings for him seem to eb and flow. But he is the first person I tell news to and the first person I call when something is wrong. I agreed with him that he has been putting in more effort. During lockdown this year he moved in and we had a nice 2 months together, and that was just a couple of months ago. We had no problems.
We have agreed to have a week to cool off and then discuss our future at the end of the week. I have no idea what to do. I love him and care for him and he is so good to me, and I worry that I wont ever meet anyone as good as him. But I just dont understand why I feel this way if he is so good to me, surely break ups should happen over something big but we are still somewhat happy. I know for this relationship to work I will need to put in more for him but I just don't know if I even want to. But I cant imagine not having him in my life, he is my best friend. I love his family and his friends and vice versa. I just dont know whether to cut and run now or try to make this work. I am terrified I will regret breaking up with him.
I should also mention that a few weeks ago I started talking to a male friend and we have gotten close. Nothing has happened but I cant help but feel this wouldnt have happened if I truly loved my bf. My bf is my first love, we lost our virginity to eachother and I just have nothing else to compare this with. I dont know what to do, in five years we have barely ever fought and we have made some amazing memories. I just dont know what to do and I am so torn.