Argument on nye, am i being petty or…

[Peanutbutterjellysandwhich]

Both had a few drinks music on good night so far,
Until i gp to get plates for our meal, he follows me out slaps my bum too hard
I tell him, he says he will do it again im being a victim etc…
I say I don’t like it when hes had to many drinks he goes loud & obnoxious,
He says oh stop being a victim, il do what i want
I say why do you have to ruin things im going to bed, he swears at me.

Ok but it wasn't a gentle smack was it? You know it wasn't. So him saying it was doesn't change anything other than him now basically calling you a liar.

I would say to him that he either knows it wasn't gentle but is embarrassed he did it too hard so is pretending it was, which is gaslighting... or he genuinely didn't think it was that hard but that doesn't explain why he had a go at you for pointing that out at the time and doesn't explain why this morning, sober, when told what happened he didn't just say 'shit sorry I didn't mean to do it hard, I was a dick' and be embarrassed.

He just sounds like an arsehole OP.

leaving all you have just for a one off smack on the bottom? Laughable!

@Peanutbutterjellysandwhich

Is it really worth leaving over Have a family new house pending Pets I have spoken he said he drank too much but hes not abusive hes saying it was a gentle spank

Then this is the PERFECT time to leave! Or, at the least, put all things "pending" on hold!

Once you go from pending to legally bound, if/when something like this happens again, it will be infinitely harder to leave/re-assess your relationship.

Was it a gentle spank to you, your arse?

Can he do as he wants, when he wants?

Are you lying, to us, to yourself?

What kind of relationship do you actually want?

hes saying it was a gentle spank

There's no such thing

Both had a few drinks music on good night so far,
Until i gp to get plates for our meal, he follows me out slaps my bum too hard
I tell him, he says he will do it again im being a victim etc…
I say I don’t like it when hes had to many drinks he goes loud & obnoxious,
He says oh stop being a victim, il do what i want
I say why do you have to ruin things im going to bed, he swears at me.
This is the opening post on a thread you started. Describing what happened, what was said and how you felt.

Is it really worth leaving over
Have a family new house pending
Pets
I have spoken he said he drank too much but hes not abusive hes saying it was a gentle spank
This is your latest post, which seems to now accept his response. He's minimising what happened and you seem to be accepting of that. Are you putting up with it because it's easier than upsetting the apple cart, or because you think you overreacted to normal, loving and respectful behaviour?

He threatened you with sexual harassment? You told him if he did it again it would be unwanted but that meant nothing to him.

Just because he says he doesn't remember doesn't mean you should forget. He's being unreasonable to dismiss your feelings at that moment and after the event.

How is the rest of your relationship?

you sound abit deluded tbh, just hope you aren't back on here in 6 months moaning about how awfuk it all is.
Why did you actually bother to start this thread if nothing is actually going to change between you ?

@Peanutbutterjellysandwhich

He actually wasn’t that drunk he had about 5 pints

You have to be very very drunk to not remember. 5 pints won't do that. A decent person, would wake up, cringe a bit about how carried away they got, apologize and then make sure they didn't do it again. That's the basics of what you should be able to expect in a relationship. If his response is to lie and deny, tells you who he is and what he thinks. It's your body, no one should be touching your body in a way you don't want.

Is he an arsehole other times as you said he's obnoxious when drinking

He thinks i was overreacting
Maybe i was thats why i asked on here…
Thanks to those who have replied

He assaulted you.

Do not move to a new house.

Think about your relationship and how comfortable he is getting drunk, assaulting you and telling you that you are overreacting.

I strongly suggest you ring Women's aid and ask their advice.

This is not a good man.

It’s almost less the smack than his response to it. Perfectly possible for someone 5 pints down to misjudge and hit harder than intended for a playful tap on the arse. But it wasn’t that, and he doubled and trebled down on it by lying, gaslighting, insulting you and minimising. That’s what you should be looking at. When someone shows their true colours to you, tells you who they are - listen!

"Is it really worth leaving over
Have a family new house pending
Pets"

Yes it is. Put all pending stuff on hold.

He is indeed not a good man. I also predict you will be back on here (with a potential name change) in six months time with more of the same shit, if not worse from him then, if you do not rid yourself of him now.

I found out by accident on my husband’s mobile he has been friends with a single female for nearly the last two years they have been messaging each other regularly and both messages back and forth have love heart emoji eyes, hearts, roses etc. I was not aware of this friendship. I confronted him and he deleted the messages and said it is nothing but a friendship, he then lied and tried to make out these messages did not exist, even though I clearly saw them. We have been together for over 40 years. He was blaming me saying what do I expect when we are not as we use to be! He does talk to me like shit nowadays, when I think back. He says he has deleted her number, I don’t believe him. He in anger said, I am not happy you made me delete a friends number. He has met her I know that because she is the daughter of an elderly man he is friends with, who he visits on occasion. What am I to think? He says in relation to all the emotional emojis he used in his text, well she sent them to me and so I just sent them back to her, I was been kind. They text each other late night and early morning, the texts were friendly and adoration led, nothing sexual. I feel so very sad and upset.

@AtillatheHun

It’s almost less the smack than his response to it. Perfectly possible for someone 5 pints down to misjudge and hit harder than intended for a playful tap on the arse. But it wasn’t that, and he doubled and trebled down on it by lying, gaslighting, insulting you and minimising. That’s what you should be looking at. When someone shows their true colours to you, tells you who they are - listen!

Exactly this.