Daughters future due to where we live..

[itscomplicatedlife]

Hope this is the right area for this post!

We moved 5 years ago from a nice estate near many other areas & walking dis to a city. I grew up there and had many fond memories, walked to school, had many children there and close to shops. I wasn't short of friends due to the built up area but there was some crime but nothing at all on the estate we were at but meeting friends as a child was fine. DH wanted to move
To Our current area as it's what you'd say 'nicer and lot less crime' I fell under the spell of it being a change and a larger home but feel like I've now rushed in as having had our DD 2 yrs ago I'm realising how many life developed due to where I was brought up & all the friends that shaped me and gave me so many fond memories. I realised here there are hardly any children at all, jjst a few in our long road, probably a couple in the streets nearby and the estate isn't big but walking to nearby estates is far and a bit isolated! I hve tried to talk to Partner but he keeps saying I'm talking crap as it's a nicer area and less crime but he's not thinking about this! I realised when she's 11-12 like I was at the age of walking to high school on my own like most in the area, many friends were made along the way over the months & yrs those people became part of my life and for me out of the house most evenings for a couple of hrs and gave our parents a break. How is that gonna work here if there just hardly are any! It seems like kids do more club stuff here but I'm not familiar with that abs don't want to disregard this being a good thing it's just not familiar to me and tbh I'm not sure it is as good as developing spontaneous friendships, I just want her to be free to live her life, I need to know who she will be making friends with to ensure she isn't with dodgy people but I can't see it being like that here. It feels very insular here and there is quite an older generation here which I did not realise! I feel like she'll
Miss out on a more interesting life for the sake of being safe and because we're in a more expensive home in a better area where nothing happens and there ain't a lot going on here either tbh! - I hope that makes sense!

Also DH is really not willing to talk about this,
He's set this is the right decision. He has put a lot in to getting us here and I totally understand that but I feel like we focussed maybe on the House more for us rather than thinking about how where we were would affect her life. I never disliked where we both came from but my DH thinks it was rough. We lived near to rough areas but our estate was not rough it was lovely hardly any crime, she would have been able to walk to high school without me worrying, she could Walk Close to other neighbourhoods to see friends off the estate, we had a shop, she could walk in to town to shop or get a train. We have no shop here, most people drive their kids everywhere as the HS is 2.5 miles away just too
Far out and on a slightly isolated walk I hate the idea of her even walking the half way to town bit as it's jjst not that busy. The town isn't great it has not a lot for older children whereas I met friends from 13-14 in town frequently at wknds. I feels like she'll struggle to develop independence us living like this and I don't think it's a good thing!

I think you imagining a world that doesn’t really exist anymore. I don’t think there are many places left where children play and hangout like they used to, regardless of their ages. When I was 15, I had a good group of friends, some from school and some from the area I lived in. We met up almost daily after school. My dd is 15 and her and her friends hang out online. They see each other at school or after school activities, other than that, they will go shopping or to the local Starbucks every couple of weeks and have sleepovers for birthdays.

Life has changed, moving won’t give your child the life experiences you had.

I agree with @LosingTheWill2 - you are looking at the situation through rose-tinted glasses.

Your dd is 2 years old. Over time, she will meet friends through school, and will have her own social life. It may not be the same as yours, but doesn’t mean it will be wrong. Senior school kids still walk, cycle or bus to school.

Also, dc nowadays interact a lot more via social media. They don’t meet in person so much.

We’ve lived in our house for twelve years. We’ve seen the neighbours change - now we have lots of young families which weren’t there before. Your dd will find friends in the area.

She’s only 2 , don’t waste time worrying about this now - who knows what will happen before she’s at the age to go out alone. I understand what you’re saying as I had a simikar childhood . It might be different but will probably have other positives . There will probably be many positives that you can’t imagine yet.

Agreed. The old way of playing out with friends has long gone ime for several reasons . My DC have not grown up anything like I did.
They do more clubs etc and online gaming with mates - although once they’re older they walk or drive or get a taxi to friends houses, but I think you’re expecting a world that doesn’t exist any more.

It will change when she goes to school. Clubs are very common now and that is a change from when you were growing up.

I think you are just uncomfortable with the change and projecting that onto your daughter.

Do you work?

Funny future you want for your 2 year old. Walking estates at 11/12 for hours every night to give you a break?

Agree that type of childhood is much rarer now and Is probably you feeling nostalgic for your own childhood than something that is available now

I was going to say the same as everyone else. Even if you moved to your area, your dc is likely to have a different life from yours as times have changed and they will change again in the next ten years. Why don’t you see how things are when she is nearer to moving to secondary school?

Thank you all for the replies, it's so helpful to see others POV. My daughter is an only child also abs this may not change. I didn't realise how nostalgic I'd become thinking back to how my life chnaged from so young up to being 20 something it just really got me thinking. Times have indeed changed, I'm not sure it's the same but she won't know any differnt only what others her own age also experience, it's hard to undertand that I think when you've got such rich experiences of things she may not experience as much, sad in a way. I don't wish for her to be out all nights walking estates either so I can have a break it's more that as a young teenager I loved being out with my friends & I think it helped the family dynamic too me being out for a Couple hrs as I did get on my mums nerves sometimes. I do work, I enjoy keeping busy, my Mum didn't so my childhood was vastly spent outside on half terms and also evenings and wknds. Clubs/ out of school activities I know with me working arr a good thing it's just such a different way of life to what I had as a child and I just keep pondering on the pros and cons of this new way and how it was for me. My mum was always sahm but I dont know personally how she did it, her being that way meant I had the life I did but I don't think it helped her at all In Some other ways, she always wanted to work but massively lost her confidence and never got to it abs we were also quite poor and never had any experience of holidays abroad or even in the uk not that that is a hugely important thing it's just I think our daughter is going to have a differnt way of life to the one I experienced as we can do those
Things and I could afford for her to holiday with her friends on occasion if she wants to do this in her later teens. Most people we know have stayed where we were and although most work full or PT they're kids in effect have had similar lives to what ours will have there just aren't as many children on our estate here as there was on the prev estate. I just want to get it right for her so much and I don't want to interfere either but if I can make changes now to get it jright as best I can for her I would. Life as someone said above is also going to change again in the next 10 yrs I do feel due to covid peoole have prob realised how important it is for kids to interact physically more and maybe things will change in some way. I do try to arrange as much social stuff as I can too to help her with this atm due to being an only abs having no cousins atm. She love nursery and goes 4dpw & we always see one of her friends at least once a wknd so she's doing ok atm until she's old enough to form some of her own friendships she'll have some outside friends of mine also with their kids too.

Thanks a lot all for showing me your perspective and keeping me in reality, sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees.