Finding love with a disability/health condition

[Psm92]

Anyone had any luck/success with finding a happy long-term relationship/marriage after being diagnosed with a health condition?

I'm 30, and would like to think in many ways I'm a good catch. I'm financially independent, have an interesting job, close friends, though most of my hobbies/interests are things like reading, politics, cinema, cooking etc. I've got mild/moderate chronic fatigue syndrome which means things like long walks, hikes, holidays etc are off the cards for now. Tried OLD but it seems like all the men in my age bracket are super into hiking and traveling and skiing and generally gallivanting around (which I used to be before I got sick!).

Just looking for some hope I guess. I really don't want to think my illness will prevent me from finding lasting love.

Thanks in advance! Would also love to hear from others with ME/CFS on any tips to navigate dating and generally managing life with the condition. I've only been a sufferer for 7 months or so.

I've been in a 6 year relationship with what was diagnosed as low functioning ASD. Although it's not exactly committed, we don't live or share anything together and it's pretty miserable on my end (he loves it). I dread the thought of having to go and find someone else as I feel I haven't had the best experience when it comes to relationships

Hi OP, my thoughts:

First, I think it’s ok to mention a health condition which means some limitations, in your profile, without being specific ( unless you want to). As there sounds like many positives in your life, hopefully that won’t be too much of an issue. Inevitably it may put off some people, but that’s life.

Then when you are communicating online or meet up you could say CFS or a bit more about how it affects you.

This way you are being straight up about your situation without over-sharing at the start.

Very important: I believe you have to meet someone sympathetic to the condition which you should be able to work out fairly quickly in first few dates. Not someone who was dismissive of it, or ignored it. Anyone who does that is one big red flag 🚩 and move on quickly! Also, a difficult illness can affect your self-confidence, so take it slowly and keep your standards high!

I speak from long experience of ME/CFS, including some dating with ME/CFS, and I did find it a difficult issue I must be honest. But I am older than you and was too ill to work. As you are relatively young, and not had it long it may well be there is lots of room for improvement or even getting better. But obviously you must look after yourself to have a chance of that. Good luck :-).

Thanks so much for sharing and sorry to hear you also deal with ME/CFS. I am feeling more optimistic given the new awareness and research going on due to long Covid. Did you have any success OLD?

Eg re. the whole hiking, sports thing you could say in profile you love the great outdoors but are limited doing anything too demanding because of your current health condition. Then emphasise your other interests reading, cooking etc. Lots of people are happy to do physical adventures on their own and you would need someone with their ability to do this independently eg go on a long cycle, but say meet you at the cafe afterwards for shorter stroll etc. Also, good to be able to meet people in real life if you can. It’s not easy to navigate all this I know.

Oh, I met a couple of idiots on OLD! which is why I said keep your standards high, take your time and notice especially if they are dismissive of or unsympathetic to your illness. Listening ears as Judge Judy said! However, I was quite a lot older than you and my illness was such that I couldn’t work so always felt embarrassed, awkward about that (as I looked and seemed fine on the surface!)

Thanks for the advice and sorry for the negative experiences! I hope your health improves. Are you still looking for love?

Dh and I both have health conditions. It's totally fine. You just need to meet a nice man. That's easier said than done though.

No, I’m not really liking any longer. But that’s more age (I’m twice yours!) and my health combined. At 30 you are still v young and I’m sure there are definitely romantic possibilities 🙂. Of course you must take care of your health and remember to prioritise that.

looking!

I have 16 medical conditions and should be dead by now (my surgeon says this every time he sees me). My GP says he has never met anyone with so much genetic drama. I have recently been medically retired due to devastating post-surgical injuries. It hasn't stopped me attracting attention from man-kind and collecting phone numbers. I recently dumped my boyfriend, but it was nothing to do with my condition and it did not bother him (he is just an insensitive tool and tight wad so no good for scooby). I have had more attention and asking for phone numbers in the last year than ever before, and I am no spring chicken nor a chicken crossing the road with ease. I was too busy and stressed working beforehand, and now I am medically retired I am trying to enjoy life a bit more. I reckon its lockdown fever as I read middle aged women are supposed to be invisible but I am not finding that. Of course, you are aiming for someone patient and kind who is understanding of your condition. I have had dates that don't understand fatigue and pain, but they haven't lasted long. It is also good not to attract a rescuer who can be suffocating. It is good to mix with people who have various conditions as you get perspective (I do anyway). A good friend of mine is in a wheelchair and lucky to be alive. He adapted to life-changing injuries and he has such a positive attitude. I really love him. It is inspiring and he is such a ladies man. A cheeky chap. He has some able-bodied girl fans, and if it wasn't for an age-gap I would date him as he is lovely! Nice people think of it as 'difference' not 'disability' and look beyond that. That is your target population and if they make a big deal of your condition then they are not for you.

I have a physical disability that’s easy to see and several sneaky fuckers going on quietly that you can’t. The more obvious stuff is actually not the most painful strangely. I do suffer fatigue as part of an umbrella of symptoms so I feel your pain in that regard!

I do think it might be worth learning your limitations, it’s hard explaining to someone new what you can and can’t do if you aren’t sure yourself, and indeed if it’s very changeable on a day to day basis.

Find someone kind. Be careful of love bombers/rescuers coz they come with their own set of issues!

I been married 10+ years and with my husband several years longer so yes it’s very possible to have long term happy relationship (s).

I think the above is sensible, focus on what you can do rather than what you can’t but don’t lie.
Honestly the thought of dating makes me terrified quite frankly, good luck!

I have multiple health conditions which effect my mobility, balance etc. I tried OLD last year for the first time in almost 8 years and was upfront on my profile. I chatted up a lot of time wasters, but eventually found my wonderful partner, who sees past the physical stuff and had become my absolute rock.

I have ME, sacroilitis and disc injuries. Met DH when I was 18 and he was supportive from the start. I was open with him and he stuck around, even through the really really shit parts. You can still find someone your type without having to settle or hide anything

I have invisible health issues that are mostly under control now although fatigue is an ongoing issue, but when I met DH I was really quite ill after a couple of major surgeries. We've been together 7 years and have a toddler together which is something we weren't sure would be possible. I was super open about my health issues from the start, we metv through mutual friends. I think being open from the beginning is the way to go as it will scare away the idiots so you don't need to waste any time on them!

Don't want to give too much detail but one of the most loving and solid relationships in my extended family is where one of the couple is a lifetime wheelchair user. Okay, some sacrifices and adjustments have to be made but everyone comments on how happy they are.