What to do ?

[Snugglebum20]

Background: married 20 years. 2 DS 11 & 14. Mortgaged house.
I'm lonely and bored. I suspect H is on the spectrum. DS has diagnosed SEN.
H never talks about feelings/emotions/ thoughts/ wants/wishes. He doesn't do small talk ever. He lives in his own world. He has no idea what I like/ want/ yearn for. He's a manchild and a gamer.
I don't want to break the family up
I don't want to sell the family home (neither of us can afford to live here without the other)
I don't want to force him to give up his games room (as daft as that might sound)
I don't want to take the house away from any of the family members (the house was specifically built for our needs/lifestyle)
I also don't want to try to make it work. He will never change. He can't change.

A few examples:
We ordered takeaway. He phoned through the order. It arrives. I ask him what he ordered. He says "I dunno". We eat. I ask him if he likes his food. He says "I dunno". Apparently, he just eats it and has no idea if he likes it or not.
He got the screwdrivers out a few days ago. He moves them. He then can't find them, but blames me for moving them. He is looking in the food cupboard and fridge for them because "I could have put them anywhere". Wtf.
He has social anxiety and can't phone a cab/book a table/query the bill.
Seemingly, me talking (about anything) annoys him. According to him, I eat too loudly. I talk too much. I drink my tea too loudly. I sing badly. He tells me to stop singing at home.
We are complete opposites in every single way. He's cold. Im hot. I like something, he doesn't and vice versa.

Where do we go from here ?

Anyone any thoughts ?

Honestly it seems the only way forward is to break up. You do nothing for each other. Financially it may seem hard but can you move out and claim uc while you look for a full-time job?

How'd you get married (let alone stay married) to someone who has no opinion on anything? Didn't you notice before the wedding? Was it a very rushed relationship? Or has he became this way over time? (In which case, its unlikely to be autism related).

It sounds like you've both checked out of the relationship now anyway tbh. Get yourself a divorce and be free.

What is your relationship like with your sons?
And your sons with their father?

@Fere. I have a great relationship with our DS. The one with SEN doesn't get on with his dad and he looks to me for anything and everything. The other one defends his dad to the hills on anything and everything but also recognises that some things his dad does isn't right.
H has a short fuse and we tiptoe around him at times when we know he's gonna get cross that something isn't going his way. No violence, but he will blame others for his mistakes, every time.

He has no awareness of others. Eg he will make himself a drink but not offer to make one for me, even if I'm standing next to him.
He will pop to mcds on the way home but not phone to ask if anyone else wants food. He'll eat his food before he comes home, so he thinks I don't know he's been.

He has never ever once picked up the hoover/cleaner, unless there is a specific mess to clear.
We came home from holiday once and he took his stuff out of the suitcase to wash. He left our DS clothes in there. The washing machine was only half full of his things.
There are so many examples of his no thought for others ie me.

@Pinkbonbon he has got progressively worse over time. I have grown up. He hasn't. He's still like a 16 year old, specifically in his attitude and behaviours towards anything sex or period related. He says I'm "blobbed up" when I'm on. Refuses to talk about anything to do with sex, acts embarrassed. He grabs my boobs sometimes (hand down top) as he walks past me and smells his hand. I don't smell ! What's all that about.
So many mental issues, evidenced through his behaviours.

He just sounds like an asshole who hates woman tbh.

I'd get myself out of there. Yesterday.
And make it clear to the kids that his treatment of you was not OK and that's why you left. And that if they treat people that way or are treated that way then history will repeat itself. Lead by example.

Run for the hills!

What do you get out of this relationship now?

Why are you and he together exactly?

This is one of the most depressing things I've heard on here. How can you live like that?

On another thread someone is complaining that LTB is used too often and they probably will say the same on this thread, but fucking hell, you have one life, OP. It's your decision whether you spend it with this man, but I know what I would do.

He might well be on the spectrum (we wouldn't know) but that doesn't excuse his utter selfishness. He eats in the car so that you don't realise he's been for a hamburger. That's not autistic thinking, it's pure selfishness. Ditto with the clothes. He's a very, very selfish and immature man.

You put up with it or split up.

You really need to end things. This is no way for you and your kids to live. Just bite the bullet and do it.

Bloody hell, op, your marriage is a nightmare. What a horrible example being set for your children. This marriage needs to end, and the faster the better. You are absolutely miserable, you can't possibly live the rest of your life like this.