Adapting to living with someone in your 40s after years alone

[Istillwantapuppy]

I met DP in my very late 30s, had spent years alone before this.

He’s a good guy but I’m struggling.

I find it difficult him being there all the time. It’s hard to explain exactly why it bothers me, but I do find it a bit stifling sometimes.

I find it hard to fit into someone else’s schedule and routine. When I was by myself I would do housework and cleaning and washing when I felt like it, now it feels like it has to be done sort of all the time … that’s not because of anything he’s said. It’s more I’ll go into the bedroom and realise it’s mess and when it was just me I wouldn’t care but now I feel pressured to sort it.

Small things but he always has the TV or radio on. Sometimes it really does my head in!

Audience when I’m getting dressed - I am self conscious and I guess it wouldn’t bother most people but I hate it.

Am I just too set in my ways?

Perhaps “thick” is not great but he definitely sounds obtuse and not considerate if OP is asking him to not do stuff and he’s just carrying on obliviously.

I've been married 30+ years and my DH has never watched me get dressed, it's not being arsey to ask him to leave the room and give you some privacy.

TV and radio on all the time would drive me mad, but can you not come to a compromise ?

Pets are difficult, clearly no compromise.

I never lived alone until a few years ago and now I love my time alone (and also my time with my kids and boyfriend - being alone for some of the time, makes me look forward to spending time with them). The last few months I haven't had any time alone and I have felt it.

You need to speak to him and sort out several things that are non negotiable.

1. That housework and childcare is split equally.
2. Both of you get some time alone and childfree.
3. You would like privacy when getting changed.

These are all completely reasonable requests. Although my bf and I live separately, we have discussed issues and sorted them.

Ask him to wear earphones to listen to the tv/radio when you're not watching/listening.

I've been with my husband since I was 18. I'm nearly 40 now. I have never lived alone from with parents then with him. We have 2 kids.
I absolutely hate living with another person. I love him and my family to pieces but our whole relationship for me has been overshadowed by this. I would feel the same with any other person, its not just my husband.
I don't like sharing every second of my life. I don't like being answerable to someone. I don't like having to share decisions & compromise on decor, furniture, pets, food. Where you go each day. How you spend the day.
If anything happened to my husband or we separated, I would never, ever live with anyone else. When our kids are grown I would even suggest living separately or in 2 wings of the house!! I like having someone there in the evening but day to day life is tough for me. You only get one life and I sometimes feel I'm not living it anything like I want to live it