Am I normal

[newmamahere]

My DS is 10 weeks, my DH have been together 4 years and married for 1 of those years and we are very happy. However, due to me being so ill throughout my whole pregnancy and due to tearing badly during childbirth and requiring stitches, I am absolutely terrified of getting intimate again, as I have heard it can be really painful. My husband is so understanding and patient but I just feel terrible, I want to be intimate so desperately but I still feel pretty traumatised about my birth etc. My husband isn't too bothered about sex at the best of times, (I'm probably more so than him) so I really want to ignite some passion and excitement. Lately when we've been on his phone together porn has popped up, we don't hide these things from each other but I can't deny that my feelings were hurt, will be still want me if he is watching it? I'm scared he won't fancy me and since I've had a baby he just sees me as baby's mum now instead of his wife that he wants sex with. AIBU?

You are completely normal and all your feelings are valid and normal. Have you had an internal check up so you know that everything is healed properly? Are you still in pain from your tear? There is no right or wrong time to resume intimacy with your husband, he is patiently waiting for you to be ready.
Was he there at the birth?some men can be a bit traumatised when they see ‘their favourite pub burning down’ , to quote a comedian, but they do generally get over that.
I would suggest in your own private time that you have some DIY sessions, and when you feel more confident, tell your husband that you are ready.

This is normal.
You need to tell him that you want gentle sex, just so you can feel how it’s going to be. Lots of foreplay too.
Have you had a good feel yourself, to see how it feeling ?

I'm not in pain and all has healed well, it does feel different to me though. He was there and it was extremely traumatic for both of us but he was amazing and has been ever since. I am very lucky, I just feel so sorry for him.

I’d also have some DIY wanking to work out how it feels down there and just remind your vagina that it’s ok !! Sounds like a lovely husband , and he might be open to slow , foreplay etc before hard core penetration etc ?

Don't worry. Your experience sounds quite like that of my DW with our first. Men don't lose the urge just because DW is not available, we need to release regularly, that's normal, and a sign of a strong sex drive. Wanking with, or without, porn is not the same as sex with a partner and in my experience it enhances desire for sex rather than reducing it. It's good that you can talk to each other about this, I suggest you ask him for reassurance and I am sure you will get it.

I imagine there's not been much sexual contact since the birth. My advice would be the same as what me and my partner did (after years of not being sexual so a different scenario as it was much longer). I started pleasuring by myself, then watching each other, then helping eachother and then built up to PIV. Every step we communicated with eachother about our fears, likes etc, about taking a step back if it was too much.

I think 10 weeks is quite soon so it's possible you are putting more pressure on yourself than is necessary.

Thank you all for your responses