Divorce and GCSE Exams

[passtheparsnips]

I am divorcing H this year. I had planned to wait until July when DD1s GCSEs are finished but he’s been vile lately and I don’t want to wait that long.

Has anyone done this 6 months before exams and how did it affect your child? There’s a strong possibility that he will move away and will only see the children eow.

DD1 and H have a good relationship, but I think she’ll understand my reasons.

Sadly the person he is most vile to is DD2 so I am anxious to protect her from any more of his outbursts, but need to take DD1 into account.

I think it will be more damaging to stay?

I split with dh a month or so before dd sat SAT’s (not as important) but she nailed them. It wasn’t a easy time but dd was amazing and very grown up about it all. Leaving was the best thing I did for the DC’s and they were much happier when we split.

Thanks for your reply.... I think you are right and she will be fine. The only other dilemma I have is that she is sitting her GCSE maths exam in a couple of weeks - I really should wait until that's over,, it's only a couple more weeks.

I suppose that gives me a couple more weeks to get my thoughts, etc, in order.

Although I should add that she has a good relationship with him and we don't argue, but that's really because I keep quiet to keep the peace... which is probably just as bad, isn't it?

We have just told the children we are separating and my daughter will also take gcses this summer. I figured it was better to have an open honest discussion now than live with a bad atmosphere for the next few months or it be blurted out in an argument. She was remarkably fine about it so I think she had guessed something was up anyway. I am now stuck in that no man's land between making the decision to separate but all still living together. I was dreading telling the children but it was a relief to put that hurdle behind me and it all feels a bit more real now.

I left my exh a month before my DS's exams. I had planned to leave after them, but the ex forced my hand with his behaviour. DS was fine and took it all in his stride.

Thanks everyone, it’s helped to hear all this as I don’t think I’ll last another week let alone 6 months.

Sorry to hear this. I know there will be tough times ahead but it felt good this morning to know I was starting my new year on a new journey.

I told stbxh shortly before DS mock exams. I had hoped to wait until after the exams were out the way to tell the kids but my ex said he wouldn’t be able to put on a brave face until then.
It was a bit of a nightmare really, the biggest reason for separating was his poor treatment of DS but following the split he turned into Disney Dad. He kept taking DS out when he was supposed to be revising which did impact on some of his results. Having said that I don’t know if DS would have performed any better if he had still been subjected to the treatment he was receiving previously.
At least it was just the mock exams and he has time to sort things out for the real ones (which I think he will manage no problem)

It hasn’t been ideal but I couldn’t tolerate the situation any longer and the DCs happiness is much more important than exam results

Good luck to you all and here’s to a better 2022!

In my opinion, it depends on what you think his reaction will be when you tell him you want to split.
I have seen a few different scenarios with my friends who went through separation/divorce.
A couple of friends had a really difficult times once the separation was initiated.
One man took it really badly - and became even worse. It was a nightmare and lasted for over a year. He wouldn’t move out and arguments escalated. He became violent, police had to be involved. Their child was quite hurt in this process.

Another friend’s family also had it all go quite wrong and kids suffered. One of the kids is very angry with H, another with W. It’s a mess.

Me and my exH - we haven’t told the kids until we sorted the details of future arrangements. It took a while and was really hard on me, and him as well. But at least the kids didn’t have to live through more negativity. We tried hard to keep our arguments to the lawyers, and didn’t discuss it at home.

Telling the kids before you sort things out at least in some general terms - creates uncertainty for them. And I think - exam times, especially for teenagers are stressful enough.

What do you think your H wants to do? Do you think he also wants to separate and will he cooperate to try to make it least painful for the kids?