I feel the end is nigh….

[Birchtree1]

Have been with my partner for 12 years. We aren’t married. But have a mortgage and 2 children together.
I feel it’s not working anymore….he hasn’t looked at me or touched me in 3 years. He resents the children but will read a story to one of them every night after bath time ( one of them may be on the spectrum,) he has the high flying career and I scaled back my work to have the children ( and I am so grateful for them)
We own the house together ( with a mortgage) but I have a shit pension due to my work and due to choosing the kids over a career. As in State Pension. I need to leave But I am so scared. It’s just horrid. But I can’t quite face it anymore. Spoke to a marriage councillor and she said to stick with it as I am too emotional at moment but I don’t know how.

Also….how do you leave and start your kids at primary school 2 hours away? ( where they were born and where we would get support from friends….not family) I am so stuck….and pathetic

Phone women's aid. Failing that look forward to a future with hope. You must get rid of him. It will be wonderful.

You would probably have to put them in a closer school. School 2 hours away would be unsustainable.

What does your partner say at counselling? Has he talked about his issues?

It sounds like you want to leave but feels it is insurmountable.

Baby steps.

Is the house in your joint names? What is the equity in it?

Are you currently working, even part time?

You say you can get support from friends by moving 2 hours away. Are you able to find a place to live there?

What about moving in with family. Is that an option?

As in moving 2 hours away where we used to live and where I have support from friends.
I have begged him for relationship counselling for years and have put him in touch with a councillor for himself. He won’t engage.

Equity I guess by now would be 50:50. I do work 27 hours a week. It’s a good job and I only pay 1/3 of my salary on childcare. I guess I could buy a small house? Not sure. I have lovely friends where we used to live ( who offered support) it would mean moving though. Also there is no rental property where we live. Have looked for months. I have no family in this country to support me. Kids are only little. But we are setting a bad example..

Am I right that the house is in joint names? If you are not married (and not able to use divorce as the mechanism), I am not sure how you can force him to sell the house to release the equity and any sale would, I think, require the consent of the joint owners.

How about looking on RightMove to check how much it costs to buy or rent a house in that place 2 hours away.

It is great that you have a good job. Are you able to increase your hours once the children are in school?

Kids are in primary. My job doesn’t allow school hours. I pay a lot for care before and after school.
I could move into a friends property. But I would have to find a new job and move them to a new school. Where I live there a virtually no properties to rent I could afford.