Disclosing a difference/disability - OLD

[namechangefortheumpteenth]

So due to lack of opportunities to meet new people I've recently signed up to an online dating app. I've got talking to a guy who I think I'd like to meet up with.

I have a condition/disability which means I look different to an average person - my intelligence and life goals etc. are not affected, I just look different.

At what stage do I tell him about my condition, how? In an ideal world he wouldn't bat an eyelid but I know things don't work like that. My condition has definitely been an issue in the past and has put people off. It's not clear from my dating profile or photos that I have this condition.

I had written a much better post initially but lost it, I think you get the gist from this though!

I'd tell him now, better to see his true colours before investing any more time

But generally, I'd say put a photo showing all of you on your profile or at least make reference to it in your bio. Then anyone who is put off won't waste your time.

Good luck with dating OP, hope you find a good match!

I totally understand as I have disabilities that are not initially obvious. Tbh I have usually left it until just before situations where it would have been obvious. Then explained that I have something to tell them that makes me feel quite vulnerable. Can usually tell by their response to that if they are likely to be sensitive and take your feelings into account.

Do it straight away

I think people should know before meeting

Well, I have an 'invisible' disability that has some preconceptions attached (for some people, anyway), and I like to tell dates early- the first date or if we talk prior to meeting. The reactions are a good filter!

If your condition is visible then I would include it in your bio if you're comfortable with that, or mention it before you meet. I mainly suggest the upfront approach because some people can be quite tactless if they're not expecting something and there's no point you having to experience that.

If some men decide it rules you out for them, fine. Better to find that out early.

Good luck with it!

I have a disability and I wrote about it in my OLD profile. I figured being upfront would wheedle out the arseholes! It didn’t seem to put people off, and I met my now dp on there.

Is it going to be clear immediately when he meets you? If so I’d tell him beforehand.

It really depends on what it is. It's tricky because you might put people off to might be willing to deal with it if they get to know you, if that makes sense. Or you might attract people who fetishise disabilities.

Personally I'd avoid mentioning it until the last moment.

Thank you all for the replies so far. If he suggests meeting up I'll definitely tell him beforehand, that's what I'd been thinking.

And yes to the PP about people fetishising some disabilities, that's one of the things I was wanting to avoid.

Would appreciate posts from anyone with experience of similar situations - on either side. Thanks.