Am I holding him back?

[Mom1305]

Been with my husband 19 years married 5, 2 children, im been totally honest here and feel I should let him live a better life than what I'm giving him. He's a decent guy has always looked after me and the children, and provided for us. Our sex life has always been a issue i don't have much of a sex drive where he does. The past few years my mental health has gone down hill im very miserable and moody and like to spend alot of my time alone, if he's downstairs go upstairs of a evening, he's been great and supported me all the time but I can tell its wearing him out and I honestly don't blame him, we've had a few words today and he's said I'm slowly dragging him down inside and he's now only here for the kids 😔 I often imagine us living apart its not that he's done anything wrong I just feel I want to be on my own alot of the time, obviously I care very well for my children and put most of my every in to them. I don't know if I should hang on or let him free I feel he deserves a happy wife and I'm just not that.

That’s very sad .

What are you doing to try to improve your mental health at the moment? X

I had CBT therapy earlier this year, and I'm currently on a waiting list for some further help.

Have you considered medication? I took ADs for a while years ago and they turned my life around and I know lots of people who swear by them.

I did try AD this time last year and the side effects were awful i couldn't cope , after 4 months I came off them

I found meditation really helped - guided ones were best. Also yoga. I had hypnotherapy fir a while and that helped although it's not cheap. Are you still practicing exercises from CBT ? I found I had to do them for a long time. If you are on a long wait list for support you could see if any charities offer counselling that might be a bit quicker to get on to. It's hard to say wether your low mood is making you less interested in him or if you are not wanting to be with him. You could try couples counselling?

Could you be Perimenopausal ?- I felt the same before I started on HRT, really hated being around anyone - felt my DH would be better of without me. Good luck OP, it's a sad situation to be in

It's his responsibility to leave if he's not happy. It's your responsibility to leave if you're not happy. It sounds like he's done something very unpleasant to you to share what he's shared with you. It's out of order to say that, and leave things unresolved. Did he say he wants to continue to live like this?

Rather than beating yourself up (it's not your job to be compatible with him, and if you're not, that's no judgment of your character or personality, so don't let it drag you down), have a think about what you want, and what shape you want your future to take. Do you want to stay with someone who is comfortable saying something like this to you? Is he thinking that you deserve a happy life, and if so, why would he say such a thing to you?

It sounds to me like there might be a bit of a back story here. You say he's supportive, but what he's said to you isn't something a supportive person would say. They might feel it, but they'd deal with it in a more supportive way (ie without assigning blame to you for him feeling crap)

Does he ever say other things that blame you for his feelings? I'm wondering if he's actually the one dragging you down, but doing it subtly.