Hi OP, I wanted to share my experience with you in the hope that it gives you some reassurance and optimism.
I was in a relationship with an alcoholic. Thankfully only for two years and I was not tied to her financially or through shared children. I was able to walk away with no strings to cut, though that didn't ameliorate the distress of it. The walking on eggshells, the frustration which turns to resentment at repeatedly ruined plans - it took a toll and I became a shadow of my former self. But I loved her, and it was hard to walk away when she was saying - when sober - that she knew she was fighting for her life. I attended appointments with her, talked it through with her for hours. I realised eventually that it was to no avail. I'm not ashamed to say that it took every ounce of courage to walk away, and I only did it when it finally dawned on me that nothing I could say or do would change things. I hadn't even got to the "I deserve better than this" realisation - I just knew that I couldn't make it better through sheer force of will. I'm a professional woman, highly respected in my field, the last person that many assume would find themselves implicated in such a mess. I recognise now that I was in saviour/enabler mode. It's a pattern I can see has played out through my life and one I've since done lots of good and productive reflection on.
The fact is that alcoholics only give up if and when they want to. I have since read that there is around a very low chance of alcoholic recovery - some studies suggest as low as 10%. The overwhelming majority of drinkers never give up, and ultimately it kills them, in one way or another. I have met those who have recovered, and all power to them. But they are very much the exception and not the rule. One once said to me that you can give an alcoholic who doesn't want to give up every bit of support in the world, and they will still drink. The ones who do want to give up will do so no matter what support is available. The support will help, but it won't do the work for them. They need to want it for themselves and sadly most don't.
I think for those of us who have never had such a dangerous addiction it's damn near impossible to understand the mentality. I watched my ex burn all her relationships, lose her high flying career, be admitted to hospital time after time, and literally go home in patient transport and start drinking the minute she walked through the door. I remember one day realising that it was unfathomable to me. And then being very glad that it was unfathomable, because it wasn't what I was all about.
Ultimately she drank herself to death 6 months after I left. I knew it would happen, predicted it, tried to warn her about it. She refused to take it seriously. She died at 50.
I'm several years clear of the experience, and I appreciate this is probably hard to believe from where you are right now but I'm (almost!) glad I went through it. It taught me so much about myself, my own capabilities, it made me stronger. I have a high bar for treatment now, I resolutely know that no-one will ever bring that upset to my door again. I think that new strength must be either obvious or in some way infectious, as the friendships I've made since her death are some of the strongest and most mutually supportive I've known. I'm in another relationship, this time with someone very stable and mature, she used to work in alcohol support services and understands utterly what I weren't through. My life re-started at age 43. It's never too late.
When I read stories like yours I want to implore you to keep going, keep the relationship ended, keep focusing on yourself, keep making a new future for yourself. It has to be one step at a time - you won't get to a place of positivity overnight, you're probably in shock at this stage, I know I was. But have faith that life will improve. It absolutely will. You'll come out the other side, probably sooner than you realise, and certainly stronger than you can imagine right now. PM me if it would help. I'm sending you all my best wishes 