Loneliness

[RedCandyApple]

I have been single for a long time now (5 years) and whilst I’m ok with it I do get lonely at times, mainly in the holidays and around my birthday. How do other people that have been single for a long time deal with loneliness? (sorry but I don’t mean anyone with a fwb/causal relationship just purely those who don’t date at all) I miss not having any adult company and someone to talk to, I don’t have many friends and I don’t find making new friends easy at all, I can go for a long time without talking to any other adult.

I linger on here or do something that means I at least speak to a human being like go to the shop or something

Oh I should add I’m not actively looking to date and I can’t as a lone parent I don’t ever get any time to myself so it’s not something that I can change.

I live alone. I won't date because I never meet anyone.

I miss having conversations that aren't small talk.

Friends are all coupled up.

I tend not to call people for a chat because I don't have anything to say

I talk to the dog poor thing is probably sick of me

When my ds was small, I always allocated part of the day he was with his dad, to me. I ran ParkRun, I did a class, went to my favourite coffee shop with a newspaper and had brunch etc.

It's hard as a single parent but can you make a conscious effort to do something specific for you, that involves meeting a nice group of people.

I’m a lone parent my kids don’t have contact with their father.

I’m similar, spend time looking on here. I’m very sociable at work and then come home and retreat under my rock. I have children and have been single under a year. I felt very lonely in the relationship for years anyway and didn’t interact with many people outside of it due to OH being ‘needy’.
Now, I don’t know what to do! I am so boring. I say boring things and I’m not very good at social interaction beyond the surface stuff. I expect I’ll be single forever from now on. Maybe when my youngest is a bit older, I’ll venture out more.

Can you organise a swap of care with another single mum. Having a couple of hours a week to yourself is important for your confidence and self respect.

Your kids need you to look after you too.

Meant to add, I find the holidays worse. Term time is very busy anyway.

Yes it’s usually the holidays I struggle with, especially the Christmas ones when everyone’s with their families! I don’t spend Xmas with family so it’s just me on my own with the kids and I must admit I miss having someone around and being the only adult, when they are asleep in bed it can be very lonely, then my birthday when I spend it alone with the kids and have a kiddies party 😂 even my mum bought me a peppa pig cake for my birthday (obviously for the kids to enjoy😬.)

Sadly no friends to swap babysitting with, the single mums I know only have one child and they have active exes so they don’t really need help with babysitting and I have 4 children so it’s not an equal swap and unfortunately most people wouldn’t be jumping up and down to look after 4.

Same here! Single mum in her 40's (i prefer the term 'independent mum' ) I don't tend to get bored of my own company, and my stress levels are low. But I do get a bit fed up of never being invited to 'couple's dinners', or feeling like the spare part, the cocked heads and 'you'll meet someone one day, don't worry', and not forgetting the listening to those friends (I have only a few) who come to me with their relationship woes.....then skip back to their dysfunctional relationship.

Sometimes I do think I would like a special person in my life, a companion to share certain aspects of life with, but my level of independence after being alone for so long would be something which might be difficult for them and me.

The thought of going back to dating again fills me with dread, as men these days repulse me due to past traumas (not healthy, I'm working on it). Would consider a relationship with a woman, I think.

I really wish there was some form of club for single women to make friends, for women who were happy being single and just looking for companionship. Shall we start one?

That sounds like a great idea @scurryfunger!

I understand how you feel about Christmas and Birthdays @RedCandyApple.
The weird thing is he never made an effort for me and I actually have some pretty horrible memories from those times of year with him.
I don’t have any other family nearby though and I think that’s the problem. He has parents and siblings, who all treat him like a wonderful little boy (he’s pushing 50! 😂)

OP - totally get you. I'm not a single parent but have found this Christmas really tough being on my own. I've been very isolated during the pandemic.

I try and get involved with work social activities. At the moment it was just Zoom catch-ups but it gave me a laugh.

I sometimes take myself out to a cafe so that I at least speak to someone. I have some close friends and a close family member but don't speak to them very often.