Estrangement and family conflict

[AutumnDance]

I have a sibling who is estranged from a lot of the family bar one sibling but he's careful and low key.

We all had defining moments that led to all of this.

For me and her:
We had a row that was initiated by me but it wasn't intentional. It just happened. When I tried to apologise, she ignored me... I found her to be hostile and passive aggressive in the aftermath of that row. She was impossible to get along with.

She went off her own way and I kept my distance.

She fell out with others in the family too.

There's been high conflict within the family over the past 5 years or so. She hates us all with a passion and we all accepted the estrangement she implemented except for one person - she herself. She's been doing a lot of bad and nasty things. She said and did things that you wouldn't say to your worst enemy. What she did was criminal and the only reason she's walking around free is because the cops were too lazy to do their jobs. I'm not England and civil law falls short where I am so court orders aren't available for me except for an expensive injunction and I don't have the means for an injunction.

She has a difficult personality and I find her impossible to get along with. Her emotions were often intense followed by intense reactions. She is often ignored but I realise now even ignoring is not the answer. She likes to escalate. Basically it's been years of bullying the family into submission to serve her feelings. The worst thing is we don't have anything to do with her an more but she still has so much focus on the family.

I came across a post online from her where she was ranting about her family being assholes. I was thinking - does she not realise what her own part in all of this was? We are assholes - how about herself. She wasn't honest in her post. If she listed out even have of the revenge she took on the family, her readers and posters would be telling her something. I will put my hand up and own my part but she is completely blinded and has 100% blame for everyone else. All her words to us are ones of hate yet she wants us to fix our broken relationship with her.

Do these people ever realise what their own part is?

Your whole post is a bunch of drama which demonstrates that you are not owning your own part, although you recognise it.

She cannot escalate if you don't respond. Whether she recognises her (or other people recognise their) part is none of your business. Put distance between you and her, and stop running through it all and questioning it all. You're doing this to such an extent that you've had to express yourself on a forum, to strangers. The fact that it's boiling over in you to this extent demonstrates your part, which you are not realising.

In short, if you totally stop responding to her, she can't cause you any drama unless she physically attacks you or your property/loved ones.

Just step away.

She originally implemented the estrangement but I now think it was done for control. She wanted me and the rest of the family to be upset and run after her and grovel but we didn't do that. It is her now lashing out against the estrangement she implemented. I was ignoring her and grey rocking her for years. She escalated to smear campaign to friends and employer because she can't control on her own feelings and emotions. We don't have a life together any more but half a decade later she's still wrapped up in us all and meddling in all of our lives.

I saw what she write online and it indicates she has 100% of blame to dump on the family while being completely blind to herself.

Do you think she was right to go no contact with your family? Not including the smear campaign afterwards? Did she contact your employer?