Long distance covid relationship dilemmas

[Pookiea6565]

Hi folks

Just as Covid hit I started playing an online game.. an MMO game where lots of people play together. I live on my own I have a very good job my own house no kids… (Unfortunately)… I’m 56 as I write this.

I’ve been divorced for many years now and I’m quite self-sufficient so when an intelligent chap who also plays this game started talking to me although based in the US I find the idea of being chatted up quite interesting.

We get on very well although culturally we are poles apart. I’m white C of E he’s black American and Muslim. I don’t see this is a barrier but it does potentially make things more interesting on a day-to-day level if we ever got together. We on entering our third year are very close, we video each other all the time and I have no reason to believe that he is not who he says he is as I know where he works and we correspond at odd times.. enough for me to be able to work anything out that wasn’t quite right.

I’m a big kid at heart and he knows this. There is nothing I like more than a teddy bear or a card saying hello miss you et cetera et cetera so when we got to Christmas we both shared each other’s Amazon Wish List‘s and he knows I love teds and all that sort of thing so I’ve got him something nice from his Wish List and I got a moon pig card and a box of chocolates.

This card and gift was sent in the run-up to Christmas… In the last couple of days run-up to Christmas as I finalised the purchase on a car that I was buying on the Tuesday before Christmas and he commented on this in the card. I know men can be a bit last-minute but for somebody who has just spent the last three years telling me he loves me and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and can’t wait to meet me when we can finally get to meet each other I find this lack of consideration this lack of planning this lack of thought very unsettling.
I had heart surgery recently and flowers started coming from friends and relatives within a day of me arriving home. It was only when he saw them in a video that he then asked me where the local flower shop was so he could send me some and that was a week after I’d already got home. I don’t know whether he just doesn’t know how to treat somebody or whether it’s just him. He’s been married twice. Looking for your thoughts team. Thank you very much

I mean this gently, this isnt a relationship since you haven't met him, you don't and can't 'know' him properly because of this. The least of your issues is that he didn't send the right gift for your birthday. As a harmless distraction from the daily grind its understandable but you are emotionally investing an awful lot into someone you may never actually meet.

How is this relationship going to realistically work? Do either of you plan to move to the others country? Your cultures and religions are very different, in real life that won't be easy. Can either of you get work if you move countries? I would be more concerned about those issues rather than him sending the right card or flowers.

I would see this as a pleasant diversion but please dont invest too much, the logistics don't work in your favour here.

@supercali77

I mean this gently, this isnt a relationship since you haven't met him, you don't and can't 'know' him properly because of this. The least of your issues is that he didn't send the right gift for your birthday. As a harmless distraction from the daily grind its understandable but you are emotionally investing an awful lot into someone you may never actually meet.

This. Please don't get overinvested in this and PLEASE never send any money.

Hi supercali, thank you for your feedback. It’s always useful to get a different point of view - it makes you think about your own actions and challenges you.

I know I’m not in a physical relationship with this man but we’ve talked for four or five hours a day every day for the last three years so I am in some form of relationship…albeit cyber.
The only thing that stops us meeting is Covid. He works in a role that is reliant on the CDC website where The UK is currently listed as 4. As soon as it goes down to 3 he is able to fly, and at that point we should meet.
Your point about not sending him money is interesting. I am not of a mind to do that sort of thing but I know that there are stories about there concerning very sensible ladies who have done so, so I am alert to that.
He is solvent and has advertised that fact so for him to turn round and ask for money would raise alarm bells immediately with me. I do wonder that his slow turning off of the tap of abundance is some form of either disengaging or trying to treat me mean to keep me keen. He used to be quite generous but now seems to need to be almost prodded to do things or to only do them in response to my actions and your comment does make me wonder.