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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Complicated. What do I do?

12 replies

Alicew00 · 29/12/2021 23:02

My DD's father dumped me earlier this year because he didn't want a relationship, he wanted to be alone. Yet after a couple months of being sad and annoyed with him he started asking me if I want some "company". I said no a couple of times of him asking me. Then I slept with him 2 times after he offered again because there's still feelings there.

Then I told him I can't do it anymore because I feel used. He understood but then a week later he's asking me if I want some company again! So we did it again I know I'm stupid but I can't stop thinking about how great he was with us.
He messages me sometimes to ask how I am and stuff but thing is he doesn't want a relationship and I don't think he ever will again. Pretty sure he hinted that he'd been on a date since we split up.

OP posts:

dumplings1 · 29/12/2021 23:10

Just keep the conversation about your daughter and tell him that. You can't possibly move on if he's in and out of your life. Make sure you get to out when possible, see friends, date, you need to stop seeing him in that way.

mobear · 29/12/2021 23:22

He wants to keep his options open and is using you. Limit contact to that which relates to your DD only, and move on.

Rainbowqueeen · 29/12/2021 23:22

Do you have a consistent contact schedule. If not, set one up and arrange for a third party to do the handover on your behalf.

Have contact between the 2 of you by email only. Block him on your phone

All he wants from you is sex. The sex produces hormones that make you attached to him. So if you keep having sex with him, you will never move on. In the meantime all he wants from you is sex. So the cycle repeats.

And all the risk is on you. Risk of an STD. Risk of another pregnancy to a guy who will not step up. And he is probably laughing at you to his mates and bragging about how you are at his beck and call. He won’t stop because it’s all great for him - sex with no effort. So you need to put in the work to stop this and move on with your life.

Doesn’t it make you look at him differently to know that you have told him you feel used but he is still sniffing around. That’s disgusting behaviour and shows you ge is not a nice guy.

The more this continues the harder it will get for you to find someone else. It needs to stop and it needs to stop now

Pinkbonbon · 29/12/2021 23:31

It's not complicated. He likes sex and you're available.

You're telling yourself its complicated because it's easier than admitting that he doesn't give a damn about you and is using you for sex.

Actually, its probably worse than that, it seems he actually enjoys making you feel like shit (hinting about dating other women). In order to boost his ego.

Pick your self respect up off the floor, block the bastard and move on.

TheMooch · 29/12/2021 23:47

It's not complicated. He's using you - he shags you when hes no other option and you let him.

Stop seeing him.for company, it will magically stop.

BornIn78 · 29/12/2021 23:52

It’s not complicated at all.

He wants an occasional no strings shag, you are obviously happy to provide it, otherwise you wouldn’t keep doing it.

He’s not lying to you or making false promises, he couldn’t be clearer about where he stands.

What’s complicated?

Anordinarymum · 29/12/2021 23:55

The cheeky bugger just wants you for sex when he isn't getting it anywhere else.
Block

Blue4YOU · 29/12/2021 23:58

Get yourself a shag buddy. See what he does then

Momijin · 30/12/2021 00:00

By company he means sex. You're his booty call when he doesn't have anything better. If you just want that then that's fine but if you want a relationship then ignore him.

Original poster

Alicew00 · 30/12/2021 01:29

Thanks you're all right. I know it's right to just to stop it now. It's been a few times I've had to tell him to leave me alone. But it's my own fault for not backing away. I will from now on. I need to work on myself, my self esteem especially. I used to think I'm not ever gonna be happy might aswell just sleep with him. But I'd be devastated if he found someone else and I didn't say no to him

OP posts:

Momijin · 30/12/2021 01:36

@Alicew00

That is just stopping you from moving on. He is pretty pathetic to treat the mother of his child like that. You deserve so much more. Go out and have fun and meet people. Go to the gym, work etc. Dont look back 😀

Anordinarymum · 30/12/2021 01:44

@Alicew00

I think you need to give yourself a good talking to because he probably has found someone else and you are just the sex in between.

In pestering you for sex he is letting you think there is hope when there is none.

Try saying 'no' to him and see what he does then. He does not respect you at all. He gets away with it because you do not respect yourself either

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