Anybody's partner chose a career that is incompatibility with family life

[GyallikeC]

Just that really? Anyone in the same boat and want to vent? Or offer any advice? Partner is a chef working all the hours going. How do you mums cope with no extra support? Were living in temporary accommodation too which adds to the stress..

Sorry incompatible!

My husband is also a chef. Family owned business. A restaurant when we were first together, now a wine bar.

It’s really hard at the moment, they are short of staff and having to work more hours than usual. If they can get staff, they want to be paid more. On top of that, business is slow and my husband is very concerned about whether or not his business will survive. He’s talking about selling our house and moving to Wales!

My kids are older now, and my mum helped when they were young, but it was tough, especially keeping the kids quiet so DH could sleep in th3 afternoon while on split shifts.

With my first, he was in nursery full time while I worked, as DH wouldn’t get the same days off each week. Before we had the second, DH insisted that he had to have the same days off so he could provide childcare.

DH works offshore a month at a time so it's just me and DD most of the time. We have our own routine and it's always been the same so I knew what I was signing up for long before DD came along.

DH was a chef for 20 years and an Exec Chef for the last 5 years or so. He worked about 70 hours per week and was often out of the house 7am - 11pm. We managed until the DC were 3 & 6 and I had basically brought them up on my own. Christmas Day alone etc etc, and it was either carry on and we get divorced, or you change career. It was really hard as this was the only job he had ever done. Eventually he moved into food wholesale and our life completely changed. He now works Mon - Fri, 7am - 4pm ish, great salary, company car etc etc. Absolutely brilliant, but those days with young DC very nearly broke me!

My husband is in the forces, has been away 7-9 months multiple times. It’s hard especially as you are based away from your family and the wives in the forces community are all in the same boat -totally at maximum capacity of life.

Yes, my partner is in the army. If the working days or hours were ever regular I could get into a routine but it's hard when not knowing when/if you have extra help around or not!

Has he always had that career? Bit unfair if he has to say about the incompatibility.

Not quite the same situation but my husband’s ex wife has chosen a career that’s completely incompatible with being able to do her agreed 50% share of coparenting (the basis for which DH and I organised our own work schedules). So now I t all falls to me instead. Which has made for some lively discussions in my house.

Basically, its only possible to have a family and a career that’s incompatible with family life as long as there’s someone there to shoulder all the parenting shitwork.

My dh works away from home, abroad, often uncontactable but he always calls, emails or WhatsApps when he can. Felt like a single parent for the most part. He's missed birthdays, parent evenings, sports days, etc, etc. Luckily he made it home for Christmas Day but he's away again. Never know when he'll be home, or for how long for, makes planning difficult.

My husbands a specialist dentist, he works really long hours because he does private work and people want to come and see him after work. He goes back to work next week and I'm dreading it, I'd be fine if he was getting home at 5/6 but it's going to be so late. A chef job must be so difficult for you

God I should have read the replies before posting. I'm lucky he's home at all. You're all amazing

Being a cock-lodger? (ex dp).

I was a chef in my early 20s I learned early on that you can only socialise with other hospitality staff. And we did socialise hard to make up for all the events we missed with our other friends.

Thanks so much for your replies. Sorry to hear there are many of you struggling with the same issues. It's a newish role so I'm not used to this many hours. We have a new baby aswell as other children so it's been alot of change this year.