My 2022 means Divorce and massive changes

[JJMW]

So I'm going into 2022 facing a split from hubby of 18yrs and divorce. 20yrs together.

This isnt my choice. I'm a blubbering wreck right now. But I've got my girl gang I didn't know I even know I had stepped up and right there and my church.

Overwhelmed with support from people I didn't expect but still a mess. Please tell me this gets better?

3 kids, thankfully high school and above which I hope will make things easier.

Things are currently amicable. Going to be honest, angry as well as hurt so for me this is currently a stretch. But it will make life easier so trying my best.

I'm with you. H left yesterday. Also together a long time (23 years, married 17). We have one ds in secondary. I'm focussing on angry right now because otherwise I think of all those of happier years and feel sad ☹️

Happier days ahead

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐to both of you, I’m facing an awful few months if it’s the wrong outcome.

While I don't wish this experience on anyone. It's a crap time of year for it to happen and if you need someone to lean on its always good to have someone who understands. Happy for you to link up.

I'm there with the angry. Holding on to it stops me from crying but I'm trying to be amicable. As much as I hate him right now, I love him too. Yes he's being a dick but ultimately he is a decent guy.

He's a good dad and for 19 of our 20 yrs together has been a great partner.

Trying to focus on this to keep things amicable. Got to be better for the kids. Hopefully we can stay on friendly terms.

Nieve maybe but got to try. Bitter and twisted is something I'd rather avoid. Still got to navigate through though and not a clue where to start.

Crying along with you my lovely. Keep strong. Things can only get better from here xx

Hugs to you ladies. 2022 is going to be the same for me once I pluck up the courage to leave nearly 25 years of marriage. But enough is enough. Good luck to you.

I don't know how to quote, but good luck Reece. I spoke to h tonight and told him I don't regret to all those years together. I'm being unexpectedly nice considering he told me he hates me, I was the most selfish person he's ever met, used the C word blah blah, I could go on. I don't think he's well and I want to be amicable for us and DS. And we had such a good run. I'm sitting here wine a wine blubbing though. My anger is disapating. BUT his words were nails in the coffin.

Dissipating

Im in too! Married 24 years , I left last Feb. Currently renting and still paying the mortgage , so I have to sort all of this out. No young kids, DS is 23 and lives away . Amicable just now but he’s has definitely set his stall out about what he expects in terms of a settlement and it’s optimistic at best. Dreading it as he’s a bully and despite me being the higher earner and a successful career woman, he scares me and I’m not good at confrontation. So can’t see 2022 being any better than a frankly shit 2021.

Also heading into 22' with divorce on the horizon. We are friendly and amicable at the minute but I don't think it's sunk in for either of us yet.

Men got to love 'em.

Apparently I'm boring, our life's is boring and basically everything going wrong is my fault. So hard to stay amicable when all blame is placed on you.

Bottle red served me well tonight. Blubbed my way through it.

Keep strong ladies. We will get through this. 2 DDs and DS will get me through this

Jeezo we're gathering thick and fast. I wonder if people splitting up is common at this time of year? I'm thinking yes. OP is he Mr excitement then? Perhaps you'll be very exciting when we you're shot if him and he's holding you back. Arse.

@thisyearsuckssofar

I don't know how to quote, but good luck Reece. I spoke to h tonight and told him I don't regret to all those years together. I'm being unexpectedly nice considering he told me he hates me, I was the most selfish person he's ever met, used the C word blah blah, I could go on. I don't think he's well and I want to be amicable for us and DS. And we had such a good run. I'm sitting here wine a wine blubbing though. My anger is disapating. BUT his words were nails in the coffin.

Thanks and good luck to you. You’re coping well so far, stay strong. It will work out for the best.

I think it is a common thing at this time of year. People evaluating their lives with a new year on the horizon. That’s what it is for me, thinking I don’t want another year like previous years.

Ladies me too. Married 28 years together 32, probably unhappy for atleast 4 years. No one can say l haven't tried. Right now I have good days and bad, it's all a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions but I'm sticking to my guns though sometimes I'm sure it'd be easier to allow things to continue but then l hear him trash talking me and recall the venom aimed my way and the fear l felt and l slap myself. My favourite expression these days seems to be wtf under my breath mind. Still tiptoeing in and out of the kitchen back to my bedroom. I just feel so isolated over the years I've lost my friends and support is pretty minimal. Family won't come here because of the atmosphere. I feel sad and angry but so glad I've stuck to my guns and will be filing for divorce in January. Sorry but if a rant but no your not alone my lovelies and if you want out, you need to do what's best for you. All the best ladies x

Isabel it sounds like it's been a a long time coming. Good for you on being strong. As Reece says, 2022 is the fresh start year.

@Isabel2021 you sound exactly the same as me! Together 30 years, married 22. Finally had enough of being called a c*^t. Whenever we go through a tough time in life he wants to split up, this time I finally though actually i can’t do this anymore, I can’t keep sorting out all the problems on my own and looking back I think he’s had mild depression for a long time and just can’t cope with stress but if I don’t get out now he’s going to drag me down with him.

I’m in too. Dh said in October that he didn’t live me and wanted a divorce. We’ve had to live together. I’ve been devastated. He’s watched my life completely fall apart. I’m facing having to move from SE to the north where I can afford to buy a house for me and the kids to start again with no support. I’ve told the kids, my work let me go as they decided I’d be too unreliable as a single parent (self employed so no rights). I haven’t qualified for any UC or financial help at all. It’s been the worst year of my life.

Then on 23rd dec he says he’s made a mistake and wants to try again. Everyone is telling me to give it a go etc but I don’t see how I can. We only got married just before covid. Sexless relationship on his part. Gaming obsession, no division of family stuff. I don’t want that again.

Think I have no choice but to let him try while I continue to make my exit plans. If there’s a miracle and he keeps his empty promises I can always rent out the house I buy I suppose. I want to try for an annulment but not sure if it’s been too long.

Total headfuck.

@Shitonthebloodything so sorry to hear that. It’s really tough with young children involved, at least mine are over 18. You have to consider though that things won’t change if you stay together, I always managed to get us back on track in the past and we’d carry on until the next stressful life event where it would all fall apart again. This time I’ve had enough of the name calling and have lost most of the respect for him.

I’ve been tying myself in knots trying to decide and then I realised, I don’t have to. He’s promised to sort out his ED, organise marriage counselling, help out more, spend time together. I don’t really think he’ll do more than he thinks he needs to to win me over again because, ultimately, he’s happy having a maid who doesn’t usually demand anything of him. So really, I just need to wait that out. I do love him but it’s not enough is it.
My plan was to move in the summer and have the kids start new schools in sep. that’s a long time for him to sustain a whole new persona and make me feel like staying is not just me giving in.
Wishing you all the best for your new beginning too x

@Shitonthebloodything I hope for your sake that he does change. In my experience though men do not. My Dh has had ED problems for many many years, I was supportive/patient in the beginning, I’ve offered to go to the Dr with him. But he has done nothing at all to resolve this and marriage has been sexless for 4 plus years. There is no affection at all. I know he is embarrassed etc., says he doesn’t feel like a real man and so on, but I cannot understand why he will not try to sort this out. Just buries his head in the sand and his iPad. I cannot take any more. It has destroyed my confidence/self esteem as he has blamed me in the past. I’m early 50’s, and feel time is running out, so it has to be time for me to move on, just as we approach 25 years of marriage.
I wish everyone strength and the best of luck to improve their own lives, we owe it to ourselves ladies. X

If he’s got cancer my life will be hell I can go in his sleep quietly I hope and quickly the heart sinks I’m praying it’s an infection that can be cured with strong antibiotics.

This was me last year. I headed into 2021 facing divorce and having to sell my home. I’ve got 12 year old twins and their dad had a relationship with a colleague 19 years his junior. They’d had 15 months of texting and secret meet ups.
He left in August 2020, filed for divorce in the October.
NYE last year, my children sledged down the road to the park whilst I walked behind crying my eyes out. I feel so lost, scared, alone and as if my whole future had been taken away.
Now, as it’s the day before NYE, I’m divorced, have sold my beautiful home, have had to live with my parents for 6 months but have now bought a new house. My children are happy and settled. And I’ve got a new boyfriend who thinks the world of me.
I still cry, I still miss my family unit. But I can’t believe how much happier I am xx I’m not there yet, but I’m so much better than where I was in a loveless, sexless, emotionless marriage.

You will get there. People are right when they say time is a healer.

@Qwincy sorry to hear your story, but glad you are doing well. Thanks for the encouragement that things will be ok. X